srhfz(:

COMEBACK

2010-07-27T01:00:00.003+08:00

this is completely crazy. Idk why but just feel like going for a comeback to blogger. it creates history here. and all the long archives of the past. and although currently, I have other blog accounts like onsugar&tumblr & tweets on-the-go, I still find blogger pretty much easier with edits since i somewhat alrd knew how to use the htmls. tsk.

Well, i guess no one gna reads my blog now, since its been months left unupdated. - got such word not? :D

on a random note, i've been missing many ppl lately. sometimes whenever life is just so screwed up, don't bother finding me. worthless. Sometimes i don't even knw whether i should just leave but that mutual love just holds me back. oh crap.

sch's tmr early morn. and recently i've been caught up with so much things i only slept at 4am, which is bad. :( currently school's schedule's pretty flexible since its only practicals and make up classes(optional) which leaves me mostly on my own :D

a month before my orals. and i'm super unprepared. :S

so many things just screws up but on a lighter note, i'm really pleased with my sciences. hopefully the miracle of jumping of D7 to A1 is possible. Amin.

Maths, although it isnt my forte, i was left with no choice but make it as a discipline to scrape this 2nd chance through. There's no turning back. I had to win this time. a MUST.

gna wait till this transfer is complete. I wouldn't want to lose my memories no more.

i had to lie. i'm sry.

just a small lie.

DREAMS

2010-05-20T12:53:00.002+08:00

Dream give us something to hope for,to aspire towards.Without dreams,we become cynical and give up on life. Remember when u were a child n u had that dream of becoming someone or attaining soomething. Hold onto that child-like hope,it will keep u alive.

i believe dreams are important in sustaining the flame of hope in our hearts. Dreams sometimes serve to will us on tu fulfil our ambitions when the circumstances around us leave a lot to be desired. Hence one must never lose faith in Allah no matter what,working hard abt our dreams plus nt just dream n plan,we need to summon up the courage to take the risk to follow our plan in order to pursue our dreams.

Dreams can certainly come true..if we keep faith in Allah swt and work hard, then dreams indeed can manifest into reality..

-quoted frm Syaraf's status :D

simply.

2010-04-04T00:00:00.002+08:00

its April. time flies really fast. and this year i don't find any significance to fill these entries in the virtual world. just wants to get this year get over and done with before starting afresh next year, hopefully in NP/SP (: Certain things just couldn't be bothered and I really don't understand why certain things people likes to talk about the bad side in the past? either tries to make me blow my top to remind me of the past or simply testing my patience. oh wells. some kaypohs ppl just seem to be so kpo taking care of other ppl's business. that event, although its the past it still lingers but they'll shall see i'll be better in the future. It's either I forgive and forget or i simply dont and Im simply too lazy to hold a grudge on that someone till today.

a waste of my time. I rather fill my entries with memories best cherished with. like today. (:

till then.

love.

2010-03-05T00:42:00.003+08:00

Its been like ages since I last updated. Where should I start huh? So many things happen in such a short time and now its March, i've abandon this cyber diary of mine for a month +?? haha. who will ever bothers. :)

anyhoos, school started pretty well this week :D March 1st :) oh boy, he caught my eye. and the great thing is it took me awhile to notice his presence and it happens twice this week even today! surprisingly. yes. weird huh.. ahh, undescrible. he's full of surprises. :) (sry dude. tk prasan. haha.)

today's tutorial with grp 1 was pretty kecohh laa.. Full of emotions. full of dramas. one of those tutorials in history. haha. ahh, memories. :)

went homie with kavitha and hafizah. and Im gna say that everything in Yishun is waayy better than in Pasir Ris laa.. haha, it completes everything. the facilities and all.

and Tmr most probably going back to Lyss. the so long missed 2nd home. haha.

aites.

toodles~

till i have the time again :D

blessed

2010-01-18T23:24:00.003+08:00

I feel blessed with the wonderful people who always be by my side,

fill this empty heart

whenever you weren't here.

when you weren't there, I wished you could be stronger.

I just missed everything being with you.

as I flipped through the picture album

and all the things that we had went through..

this silence, I always prayed you'll be alrite.

or maybe I'm just too sensitive.

but I guess I've explained enough

how much I missed you.

I'll make a change.

I'll be stronger than what you imagine.

a change in what I failed and succeed.

you are right, there's a need for change.

attitude, faith, everything.

and insyallah I will.

I'm determined to succeed.

you are right all this while.

thanks for the advice yeah..

I'll change myself.

you'll see the new me.

smile :D

2010-01-12T00:34:00.003+08:00

as much as it hurts, as much as how this tear sheds, I'll forget the past.

thanks to all the loved ones who's always be there for me.

and sorry, I'm not the best to be entrusted with all the hopes and dreams.

thanks dear uncle for your understanding and advice.

and 'aunt' too. and everyone else's

and dearest, syg..

when the world is falling apart..

and everyone started blaming on you.

with all the why's

and asking how was it..

sry for not replying.

and make a clearer view of things with mom

and taken into things into a different perspective.

As much as I know how much you all cared,

as much as how hard to say 'I Love You'

despite how badly I did, even how much disappointed you had.

the pressure that you all gave,

and how much it affects me the most to be disappointed

and being blamed at and never seeing the endless efforts I put in..

thankgod, they finally understands that everyone have their own strengths and weaknesses.

each individual are different and unique in a certain way.

into private school and retaking maths and sciences.

Just couldn't believe how dreams could depict the future.

isn't it better if good dreams become reality than having bad dreams?

and even if its costly, i'll wont make it gone to waste again.

maybe its just wasnt my luck, or just the stupid bellcurve.

9more months to Os. haha.

how great.

need to start the engines working.

and prove everyone wrong.

from failure to a success.

A2-A1 possible?

maybe malay too, a b3 again just felt sucky.

where's the A1 that I wanted?

pretty pleased with Art. a distinction was rather shocking cos the 3wks of preparatory work in Oct was the disasterous prep. work I ever had due to lack of time, maybe coursework of the masks pulled me up.

comb. humans, wishing it to be better, but i guess lets just stick to B4. or maybe I should. we'll see how.

English, one word. pathetic. Life's unfair. Maybe its not worth working hard for it. gone those distinctions. they say I should have got better. considering retaking it? hmms..

P.Hist, similar to Prelims. ahh, the results are somewhat the same. maybe not.

haiz.

how i wished i had a dream, the power to foresee the future, and see how life could be in the future..

and make the best of it.

it could be both.

tears of joy and tears of disappointment.

but more to the d's.

smile :D

matter of time

2010-01-10T23:26:00.003+08:00

its just the matter of time that every truth longed awaited is revealed.

typical crossroads.

in a few more hours shall it revealed

its deepest secrets.

...

thoughts

2010-01-10T00:14:00.003+08:00

sometimes, there's a point of time when you had to be on your own.

be independent, not dependent.

cos they won't be be there forever.

...

c'mon you have to be strong.

don't let the imaginations runs wild.

critics, vengeance of the past..

turn back the clock.

bad dreams, somewhat made me stronger.

if you could put up a stage, I could too.

so don't mess with me.

I wouldn't tolerate any of your nonsense false accusations.

as much as dreams depict it the other way..

i'll make it into a reality.

making sure I finally got this vengeance back on you,

get a taste of your very own medicine.

cos somewhat I don't forgive and forget that easily

whatever you had done,

spoil my day with the bad memories of the past.

...

make the time past slowly,

let the secs be mins and mins be hours..

hours be days.

days be months,

months be years.

endless years..

can we just skip the

'results' part?

skip MONDAY, 11Jan 2010.

skip 2pm onwards.

let morning just turns to night.

let them forget its that day.

sleepless nights~

GOODIES :D

2010-01-07T23:23:00.005+08:00

at the Open Space

the free donut by Ngee Ann :D

lethargic, after like a whole day of travelling, walking up and down the mountains and see whats there .. -.-

Singapore Poly and Ngee Ann Poly seems to be very competitive, yet they have such various interesting courses. the endless stream of people were really ... Although well yeah, preferred Ngee Ann to SP, of course the much more convenient one will be SP. haiz, and to think of all those 'lowly' cut off points.. i cant seem to think nor imagine how my results will be like.. it could be a miracle or the opp. of what we expected. im still stuck though in choosing courses, either more into the Humans or Business or Design courses.. and2 like the Ngee Ann peeps are much friendlier and do really knws their stuffs.. haha.

and oh, love the goodie bags too.. pweety cool, esp frm the ngee ann ones.. haha, hope to know more frm dad.. and cuzzy there whos like leaving this feb.. :( pathetic, i cant imagine how it is like the 1st day of school.. like history repeating itself, cmg to a new environment and all.. I'll be a lost chap by then, unknowingly where to go to.. cos its really HUGE.

its so funny peeps been asking me where to get contacts today. easy said, just go to the nearest optic shop and seek assistance there.. haha :D

the sheer fun and laughter never felt better when im with you. the feeling is different. I want you backkk!

come back fast and safe. pls..

open houses.

2010-01-06T22:39:00.002+08:00

thats how it feels like when you need someone to talk to but they werent there. haiz. how i wished you are here.

-----------

poly open house starts tmr!

i had plans to go the ngee ann poly open house, but darn, others wanted to go SP instead tmr..

we'll see how.

went in to the neighbouring country. feels so stress-free. came back everything, the fear grips me to think that its only left 4 more days.

too fast to be true.

i cant imagine.

to open that envelope..

like in my dream..

and see the results..

held in front of me.

wished that was just a nightmare.

Back to School.

2010-01-05T22:42:00.003+08:00

I missed the feeling of going back to school. Calmness. but when you are out of school and gain your freedom, thats when sometimes, we have nowhere to go. no one to direct us. we are on our own.at least in school, there were those lovable peeps arnd. So missed school. haha.

After took the award, we actually sat at the foyer where we 'used' to study after school hours till night classes. haha, so much changes ehs, maybe I was the last person to know, slooww siaa sarah. haha, they should have installed the fans last year ehs. haha. and we saw Mr Soh too, haha, he nvr changed. hah! so crap for awhile :D

Mr Nasir actually rmbrs me.. haha, like wow-ed. He shouldn't make such 'announcement' la in the G.O., so embarassing. haha, cos its like so long time ago 'story' and he said he announce it cos im out of skool alrd.. -.-" missed his 'endless' stories that he sometimes talked during chemistry class though, haha. cant describe how much i miss everyone back in school. Feel so _ _ _ _ _fill in the blanks. haha.

and met Mr Bong and all, and some others who will be leaving today and at the end of this week. feel so sad that everyone is leaving. haiz, pointless if were to come back and see the old peeps ehs? but of cos theres still ms hello kitty. haha!

so met her, guess she's busy right now with so many stuffs and preparing for the CCA day this sat. hopes she'll be strong with the people left in the school. Its sad that all the good teachers has left.. Leaving is hurtful, adapt to change takes time. but of course the friendship will never ends.. haha, we'll meet again on results day.. and during CNY holidays ehs.. haha :D

im scared..

wished dearest will come back safely..

and fast!

takecares in HK.

now u leave me alone.. take turns ehs..

how great..

SCHOOL!

2010-01-04T23:04:00.004+08:00

woke up with a start to see all the lil siblings neatly in uniforms ready to go to school.. And guess what? today's lil bro's 1st day of school to Nursery.! haha. xcited ehs, haha.. So fllwd send lil bro to school. He was pweety xcited as well at first, no offence la, since he is like the most mischievious, hyper kiddo while the rest of his classmates are such cute lil' angels.. soo cuttee! haha. shucks, this the bad part la, see kids only, so excited eh me. hhaa. lil bro is up to his antics lahh, pity the teachers who needs to like run after him cos he was runnning from one end to the other.. haha.

see la, he sits so far away from the rest.. isk3..

then gt one part cos i think the teacher was 'frustrated' or stress eh cannot tahan his nonsense then she scold him or wad or maybe just said to him den he actually shouted "I tell my papa!"

den he ran to the main door den he told dad,

"papa,teacher scold me.."

"yalar you must talk nicely to the teacher.."

"I talk already.."

den another teacher came..

den he said again,"the teacher scold me.."

teacher:"teacher scold you cos she stress, gt alot of kids also.. etc"

haha.. so funny. but yet, haiz, nie bdk.. make life difficult for the teachers only ehs..

only Nursery, if grow older how?

haiz, my adik jgk ehs.

likes to complain so much. haha.

luckily he knows how to do things independently. haha.

waiting to be 'released'

....

yesterday, so much of the reunion ehs. so missed you guys. :D haha.

was supposed to meet at Ws BK and at the same time couldn't get through daph.. so met up with her first then off to Downtown BK(migrate ehs)to meet daph and crap. abt so many stuffs. haha.. so stop talkg abt the past. cos its a new year. haha.

and stories that I felt really irritated about. some people just dont change. full of cowardice. too much of dramas, reminds me of the past. bad memories. best forgotten. idiotic people, such drama kings and queens. the world is degenerating into something evil, since decades ago, longer than that. No peace. its either they start the game, we play along with it and end it kasi lesson sama dier or just ignore it, they'll just get bored with their game. thts what idiotic @$@# do. cari pasal. I hate it.

skipped that part. the best part is with the loved ones. those who truly understands you and always be there with you through ups and downs. accepting you for who you are and not 'using' you for their own personal sake. crazy ah those people. Not even worth to be called a 'friend'.. they are worser than any other species in the world.

not criticizing anyone, but whoever terasa, kenalah pedasnya.

trying to forgive and forget.

but sometimes..

@#$@#%

zhe loved ones. :D

credits to Mr Firdaus, hahaha, the worker there

so funny, only us know.haha.

i missed dearest!
sygku.

so many moral/rules ehs.. haha. last day I guess, to congratulate daph's 'end' working day(cos she cabot) shh! and before ms faridah starts schooling.. eh, teaching i mean. She'll miss 4e2 of cos. hahaa. so fast sehh, I MISS SCHHOOOLLL!! wna go back to school and study. haha. and get pocketmoney from dad, den save the money.. starve some days like last year.. haha. wth ehs. haha. sygku starts school today, cont in sec 5 taking Os this year aft making it in N levels. hopes she can scrape through all the midnight oil studying at night and prepare her O levels!

tmr wna go back to school to get the eagles award. miss school uh, and wna take the cheque asap. and meet dearest again :D hopes she's well now. (:

a few more days to results.

lets go to the highest building ehs.

i dont want to see the results..

cannot sleep.

arrgh.

A New Year Ahead.

2010-01-02T18:23:00.019+08:00

The year had gone but made us strong. The path was long but we walked with a song. There were 'fears' and 'tears' and 'cheers' as we travelled through the year. We know that God doesn't require us to 'Be the Best', HE just wants us to "DO OUR BEST" and he'll take care of the rest.

goodbye 2009

with the endless memories cherished

and a new year 2010 ahead.

2010 comes by fast. Another new year, with 'unknown' challenges ahead and a new resolution for the year. haha. School term starts this Monday, how I wished I'm back to school and see all the familiar faces and crapg abt so many stuffs. haha.. Havent had a resolution yet, will write down soon enough. haha. anyhoos, memories of the last few days of the year was superb awesome! went KL and stayed over at cousin's hse at Sri Kembangan, Tok Ariffin(Ripin) and Nenek 'Mon',grandma's y.sister..

the funny thing abt the 1st time we came there was when lil bro came to Dato' Ripin and told him, " Ni atuk Ipin dan Upin eh?" (Upin & Ipin)..

haha.. matiin, matiin..

this is Khairul Iman.. cutestuffs :D

and oh, I really love the house, the beautiful landscape of the garden behind the house, it looked so 'wow-ed' haha.. and the 3 cats that actually grown up the last time I saw it last year when its still kittens.. haha.

and way back here, aft I leave dearest caught in some problem, whilst im enjoying there, n bck here theres sadness. thankgod, you were fine, I knw you could overcome it.. :D

baek eh, at delifrance, eat mac sundaes! haha.

ice skating in Sunway Lagoon Mall(smth like that) haha.

Overnight there before went to the KL city and 'migrate' to the hotel there where we always do the shopping. Aunty Adriana(Ad) also tagged along too, the same kindda. haha, into photography.

Tired much of walking, night time we actually went Sunway Lagoon! haha! since the entry is free. Loved the Haunted house the most, with all the 3D effects, and we needya wear the 3D spectty.. Too bad the games were only limited at night... haiyo, so much of the fun yet the pics taken there are awesome. haha..

read before you ENTER! :D

cam fhm ehs? haha. but cool laa the effects all.. :D

MAP. haha:D

alone.. :'(

shh, im sneaking in!

spotlight.

i likkkee.. haha, credits to aunty ad!

I command you, rise!

ARGGHH..
yay! successful! it stood up!

tolak dik tolakkk!.....

thurs, last day of the year was a day to remember. haha. went to shop2 again arnd KL and had the countdown at Dataran Merdeka in KL.. haha.. Planned to go countdown in Sgp, atlast countdown in another country ehs..? haha. There's like a live concert by Ella, Amy Search, Hujan and many more la. haha. FUN sia.. hahah.. but apart from all those wonderful times, mcm2 cobaan ah last day of the year ehs.. Some guys want to take pics with us la, some staring mcm tk pnah nmpk org.. thank god, nth happens.. all belongings safe and sound. haha.
sesak babe.. tkleh jln!

walking towards Dataran Merdeka, KL.
they having marathon okay? haha. cool huh. feel like running too:D

the 'LIVE' concert in the backgrnd.
full moon :D

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
.....

friday, leaving back to homeland. sedih sgt2.. don't feel like going back.. cos u know this feeling like a bird when you are being set free and now you were caught and put back into a cage.. The feeling is different. Whenever you are farr away, there's this sense of freedom, satisfaction but when you came back, so many things came back to your mind. stresses you in a way, all the troubles and problems seems to come back lingering in your thoughts, feeling suffocated with those endless unsolved problems.. haha, i understand now ehs, the feeling to come back.. haiz.

I dont have any plans for the next few days, maybe gna cycle by the beach every morning or aftnn and enjoy the cool breeze.. she's leaving like real soon so thats left me alone here, stuck in sgp. haiz, i wna travel again.

to be free..

before the results next week.

and everyone is like asking me whens result, how do i feel? do you think you can make it..? etc..

they all think I'm not afraid is it? when its just days away.

ahh, they'll never understand.

i wna start the year ahead fresh and new.

cant be bothered with all the other stuffs..

it will kill me.

last goodbye

2009-12-22T23:48:00.005+08:00

I guess this will be the last post before I take my leave.. and I do will miss loads of people. See. everyone's leaving one by one, one after another. reform? hmm, no idea.. maybe huh? nahh, ppl don't chge that fast and easily.. but one will never knows.. influences could change people, but hearts don't. 2wks gone. Jan 4th, sch. Gna be stuck somewhere, bury myself in books or simply working.. ah, i miss secondary sch. life.. I won't deny and agree with the seniors, sec. sch life is the best place to be in with all the wonderful memories as we grow up shaping our lives to be a much more responsible person.. oh, i miss school days.

Found this book on empowering myself, i think its kinda useful, should got it like way before I took the O levels.. haha. maybe I'll be more motivated to learn and stronger enough to fight through all those setbacks in school. too much dramas..

Anyway, went shopping today with fam at Arab St, and my clothes myself I actually bought until $290++ close to 300 bucks! OMG. yes, i didnt realise. ok, am not paying, my dad is. haha. and bought like 3 more tops frm the shop 'Anglia' and bought some kain, pink one to make kebaya. haha. and mom and grandma also bought themselves too.. So guess la, how much by then we spent.. Of cos the good thing is to get someone to pay for all ur stuffs. haha.

and oh, iloiike this song, been singing the whole day, haha, ok im insane, aku mau by Once.

Kau boleh acuhkan diriku

Dan anggap ku tak ada

Tapi takkan merubah perasaanku

Kepadamu

Kuyakin pasti suatu saat

Semua kan terjadi

Kau kan mencintaiku

Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu

Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu

Apapun terjadi

Kujanjikan aku ada

Kau boleh jauhi diriku

Namun kupercaya

Kau kan mencintaiku

Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu

Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

Aku yang rela terluka

Untuk masa lalu

when doubts and fears are growing

It's hard to keep on going..

From day to day

not knowing

Just what the end will be.

Take each day as you find it,

if things go wrong

don't mind it.

For each day

leaves behind it.

A chance to start anew..

till like next week. when she's back, i'll be gone. send my regards to her..

then she'll be off too. the last gdbye..

i'll be wishing..

dreams.

2009-12-21T23:19:00.002+08:00

its so funny to think that she came in my dreams.. and when I ask her how come she came back so fast and earlier than the expected arrival back here, she doesn't seem to reply my qns.. how weird.. Hope she's fine there.. and be back here safely even if i'm gone.

------------------------------------------------------------------

went Kallang tdy with daph for job interview. Lucky the person who interviewed us, sharon was nicee.. haha. Ah, sales promoters.. dunw where they gna post me to.. haiz. When we came, another bunch of poly students came too to apply for the job.. haha.. Gna start in Jan.. probably. haiz.. results day. been lurking in my mind for so long. Feel like doing some revision. on Maths. haha. reminds me of those hard-core revision days in school.. and all the endless piles of wksts mounting given by her.. must get the brains working. Or else, the brain will be dead and slow to restart again.. haa.

I guess, I can't meet her anyway, or fetch her.. darn, miss her alot.. haha. will be back only in the weekends. And the Singapore Idol results eh tis sun.. hope sezairi wins! haha. but seriously, I feel, this year is kinda biased. U'll nvr knw what happens behind the scene, wont describe. Monday, another week past. results getting nearer and nearer..

alrite, toodles, the drama starts. bye.

leaving.

2009-12-19T17:05:00.002+08:00

One by one, everyone leaves.. like a domino effect..

I'm seriously gna miss you all peeps..

even if everyone leaves, one by one.

how it goes?

2009-12-18T23:19:00.002+08:00

separuh jiwaku pergi
memang indah semua
tapi berakhir luka
kau main hati
dengan sadarmu
kau tinggal aku

benar ku mencintaimu
tapi tak begini
kau khianati hati ini
kau curangi aku

kau bilang tak pernah bahagia

selama dengan aku
itu ucap bibirmu

kau dustakan semua
yang kita bina
kau hancurkan semua

benar ku mencintaimu..

Separuh Jiwaku Pergi - Anang.

song adapted frm the tv show I watched in SCTV, Kesetiaan Cinta.

nice show to watch, and i hate that guy who actually have an affair/have mistress even when he's married. cruel guy.. he even tried to kill his wife la in the sea, and ended up the wife who's pregnant to be dead. and so much conflicts. And they thought she's dead. tink the guy is stupid, to listen to his mistress.. now everyone is having revenge on the guy's family.. serve them right.. hha. we'll see how the drama goes..

gt this frm someone:D

if ever something you treasure so much is taken away from you, it doesn't mean god hates you or it's the end of the world because one never knows, there might just be greater things in store.

and god just wants to make you let go of something that wont make you happy, so that you can finally cherish the new gift with an open heart.

...

pinkalite, reunion :D

2009-12-18T16:39:00.008+08:00

the year 2010 resolution and wishes on the 'ball'..

haha :D

I woke up with a start yesterday. Do you believe in dreams..? say, bad dreams, nightmares one would say. I wish this dream of mine wont come true. I dreamt about results day. There I was, back in school. and all the other classmates.. and there was her, the teacher, daph, porcupine.. Everyone seems to be happy with their results. I seem to be the last one to read and get to know my results.. and as I took out and held the sheet of paper in my hands, I was like given a sheet of paper containing who passes maths and who didnt. The top part of the paper were the passes, wheareas the bottom half of it were the failures. As I glance through the list.. My name wasn't even there in the passes part, d,w and h made it. and when I look at the failures section, there it was, I was the 1st person on the list to be one of the failures.. And there I was crying, sobbing.. I just couldn't imagine what would happen if I were to fail Maths.. I was in great dilemma.. thankgod it was just a dream..

sygku:D

Its irony why was I given the list of who passes and who dont. This is baddd :( . but of cos, sometimes, we couldn't dwell too much on dreams, cos dreams are just illustrations of life that we went through. and like one will say no matter what happens, if you gave your best shot, all will be fine.. I really hope so. I really really hope it doesn't comes true. I won't be able to take the heat like when the MT results came out.. I couldnt. Let it just be a dream best forgotten.

Anyway, went out with sygku today for a shopping spree at Peninsular.. and so, bought some tops, and thanks for blanja-ing me the top, we finally get a couple tee ehs? haha. but you still owe me 2 more b'dae prezzies for the last 2 yrs ehs.. still counting. haha. Walked down all the way, went esplanade when it rained heavily. love the rain. haha. and walked down the marina bay... met up with daph before we went jalan2 around the town district and camwhore more. haha.
spot the ms hello kitty.! hehe.

before wishes were written.

theres more frm syg's cam..

drawing handdsss~

the HIGHHH 3! DSH:D

eh, I wna JUMP! dont stop me.

and they just look at me in the waters.. drowning:(

k, spot that 'PINK' van at esplanade carpark. Shh!

and2, the best part was the wishes we wrote on the ball outside esplanade! haha. Crazy wishes, some best not to be described. HAHA! wishes for 2010.. haha. lucky thing the ball was for FREE, so we were given markers to write on the ball and design or draw on it, graffiti on it like no one's business.. hHa~

went back paris to get a quick dinner at KFC. We met so many so-long-nvr-meet peeps today la, it felt like a reunion. haha. Met wan lin fam at mac and roem, so chatted like eternity.. and thanks roem for the job offer.! haha..

lovee today. memories like no other. imtmay.

the 17th..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

went into the neighbouring country, JB last weds for some lil' shopping at Danga Bay and the household stuffs in Giant Tampoi. Finally, with dad. haha. and dad was kind enuff to get us more tops, and after the whole day event, I realised sis and I had bought pink tops. how funny huh? and so sry syg didn't ajak u go with us too, it was a last min thing.. haha. and I cant wait for next week. One, she's cmg bck.. Two, both families from mom and dad's side cmg over to nenek's terrace hse in JB! so its kinda be like a reunion, since dad's side is 'greater' than mom's. Gna stay there for like a week or so? and have bbq there at grandma's garden, and pitching tents.. etc3.. too bad daph and sygku cant make it. haiz..

Fly away.

2009-12-15T22:40:00.006+08:00

there goes the woman in pink, hello kitty suit. haha. flying off to Turkey. offered to send her off she don't want. haiyo, last goodbye ke before she leaves.. can't wait to see her again. Gna miss her till bits. like seriously. haha. maybe we'll fetch you when you arrive back homeland ehs? haha. But time passes so fast nowadays, you can just felt as though its just yesterday. 25 dec, Christmas. I wonder when am I coming back too. haha. and what coincidence ehs? Came at the perfect timing.. power uh. like some superhero to the rescue.. haha. cool :D

Went to Bottle Tree Village at Sembawang for lunch, sponsored by the couples teachers. haha. What a feast la, they actually ordered a sumptious meal with differen

t kinds of foods served, we barely finished it. haha. And finally dad was able to make it. like finally, able to see him.

imissyoudearkf.

when the skies are blue.

2009-12-14T08:15:00.014+08:00

An empty street, an empty house
A hole inside my heart
I'm all alone, the rooms are getting smaller.
I wonder how, I wonder why, I wonder where they are
The days we had, the songs we sang together.(oh yeah)

And all my love, I'm holding on forever
Reaching for the love that seems so far

So I say a little prayer
And hope my dreams will take me there
Where the skies are blue, to see you once again... my love.
All the seas from coast to coast
To find the place I Love The Most
Where the fields are green, to see you once again... my love.

I try to read, I go to work
I'm laughing with my friends
But I can't stop to keep myself from thinking. (oh no)
I wonder how, I wonder why, I wonder where they are
The days we had, the songs we sang together.(oh yeah)

And all my love, I'm holding on forever
Reaching for the love that seems so far

So I say a little prayer
And hope my dreams will take me there
Where the skies are blue, to see you once again... my love.
All the seas from coast to coast
To find the place I Love The Most
Where the fields are green, to see you once again...

To hold you in my arms
To promise you my love
To tell you from the heart
You're all I'm thinking of

Reaching for the love that seems so far..

My love- Westlife.

J.B.P today at 10. cont. ltr.

i think the cyber world is the worst place to describe.

you'll end up being misunderstood for some reason.

and i was right. hha..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I realised I've been touring around the lil red dot on the map pweettyy much. haha. There's like so much to explore.. Worser, a bigger country.. I guess even the rest of your life, you cant possibly go every place of the country. haha.

Went Jurong Bird Park today. Since the aunts got 'free' tickets. Just love the beautiful scenary there. thats when I tried the photography skills. Sometimes, i kinda miss dad. How i wished he came along too. Its been pweety long, I rarely see him these past few days at home. He's just been busy working and his part time studies in Ngee Ann Poly.. I miss his jokes who never failed to entertain us. hha. and being the one who taught me photography, being a videographer.. or whatever you called it. haha. and bcame the tourguide for the family, to all the places around the world. and being there when mom starts nagging. am daddy's girl.. haha. so went looking at birds? haha, loads of it were parrots, the same thing over and overr.. just guessing what were they talking abt... haha.. lethargic.. yet, im blessed with the wonderful, loving family I have.. :D and guess what? I didn't realise that i took over 280 photos! haha. but i seriously fall in love with the beautiful landscape and scenary. haha.. Enjoy.

and they started to pee soo hiigghhh..!

become patung japp..

cutestuffs :D

kids. one min they could be angels, another devils. haha.

Its similar, its just I've changed subject.

2009-12-13T01:41:00.017+08:00

I've been having all the sleeping disorders and food disorders these past few days. I just cant seem to sleep, and whenever I wake up, the jolt of pain could be felt on the necks and shoulders. Been skipping meals, idk why, just doesn't felt hungry.. just wasn't in the mood to eat. bleargh, and to think of the weekends, i've been pratically been tired, so worked out and thank god, weekends comes by fast like a flash. time do passes by so fast ehs. hha.

maskkss.. pick one. be a new identity.

Sleptover at the boy's hse in Punggol. Mom actually went to madrasah to take our report books, and so I was in the top 10, and sis in the top 3.. haiz, last year was better and the opposite, im in the top 5 and sis top 10. marks are difft compared to last year when we first came in. blahblahblah.

Went all the way to Bugis ystd with the boy's fam and aunt shida to get all the pirate stuffs for the boys party.. The shop is super cool la, with all the party stuffs that you need under one roof.. haha. Had a splendid time choosing all the pirate stuffs, the masks and trying out all the other stuffs there. Its just like dressing up to become a new/different person. Aft that head to Arab St? Darn was it late at night, had quick dinner and off bck to Punggol. Stayed up till like 3+ in the wee morn. just to do the deco and stuffs and get connected. :D Was totally exhausted, yet im still writing in the red book. If you found it.. Zzz.

Party came out a success. Have like been the deco and make up artist for the day, if i were to charge.. hmms. so its like some pirates on the loosee.. sesat maner ntah at punggol.. not in the waterss.. haha. Daph came over too, as invited by aunt. hahaha, being part of the family ehs..? haha. Enjoy.

the birthday boyyy :D

harith :D

make up artist.

jump!

trying harder...

jumping jacks??

the boy joined in..

ah, false start.

nahh.. try again..

still searching.

2009-12-10T18:05:00.002+08:00

It's been a lethargic week, particularly going to and fro frm Paris to Orchard. didnt get the job at borders but got it just beside it. blearrgh, but still, the search never ends. I totally forgot tmr was the 'boy who dropped my fone and the boy who'stresses her' birthday when we are supposed to continue tmr since we realise there's actually a whole lot more to explore but time doesn't let us since she's gna be away in JB. haiz, thank god there's sygku. been missing till bits, gna shopshop aft a month we met.. haha, the 17th. Just felt might as well start work in Jan right.? And I just wna learn a new language.. french maybe? and mandarin.. and japanese.. hha.

Thurs is enjoyment hving the pleasure at home. Was kinda bored though, cos we were stuck in between tht day and the next day, Friday. which is a better day. And when we ask the others opinions, it was a fair one, 5vs5, with both fam and others said thurs and 2ndlove and some classmates said Friday. Thankgod, Kf and sygku is there to kill the boredom, its been quite long since we met, esp Kf. hha, so he's been workin at Suntec and Airport, 2 jobs to save up to get his driving license and get himself a new fone. haha. funny guy, still the same old him and his soccer. hha. :) I just couldn't imagine, everyone is getting older and older by the day.. in this long run, will we ever meet again?? haiz.

life is kinda pointless right now.. cos i have nowhere else to go..

ystd's midnight indonesian movie hits me. Its sad when both just couldn't make the first move. everything was in pretence. But the little bits of memories held between both of them.. But their relationship was left hanging, and the girl was unsure the guy's feelings. Golden chances dont come by that easily, and when we lose that chance to say it, it will never come back.. And so he wants to end it everything in the school that held so much memories to her. haiz.. nvm. Cut short, during the girl's engagement day, she still writes in her diary how her 1stlove still lingers in her mind and she wasn't really looking forward to her engagement day altho' his future to be husband had filled her heart, she still couldn't forget her 1stlove.. In the end, she was in coma, had some sickness and his future husband found her diary and read it, hopeless, tries to find the girl's 1stlove who alrd got married that time to help her recover. from there, truth was finally being told. he actually do have the same feelings as her. but when they younger, he doesn't know how to react.. she died in the end, accompanied by those who will always love her till the end.

let the love story just be kept a story in the past.

A Small world.

2009-12-09T14:36:00.006+08:00

went to Outram Park, Health Promotion Board (HPB) yesterday to send the 'boy who dropped my fone' for his dental appointment with Daph too. I guess yesterday was the most hilarious, nonsensical, talkative time of my life. I simply don't know why. Do you know that this world is too small to live in even after years and years of yourself disappears? I met a couple of peeps yesterday whom had been years or ages since i last met them. How funny life could be.. I guess we'll meet the peeps whom we've long-ed met at a far distance-ed areas. funny. when you actually disappears even living in the same district..

On the way to the Outram in the train, met ain, the ex-pvps and my fren whom i've long never meet. hey really, you look different, i almost don't notice you, seriously. haha. So she was otw to her work.. bleargh. We were supposed to go to Orchard ION ystd but went there bit late cos of the dental thing. and so when its was the 'boy who dropped my fone's" turn, went up to the dentist and the first thing the dentist said was "eh you?"- ok wow, there's actually some seniors/loyang peeps actually becoming a dentist ehs? haha.. So there was Mustaqim, attending to my cousin.. pulling and extracting the boy's front teeth. haha. How small the world could be? or maybe Singapore itself is indeed too small to live in ehs? haha.. Feel like laughing my ass out.. cool huh, meeting those 'so long never meet' peeps yesterday.. And idk whats wrong with marhakim anyway, sometimes guys are hard to understand.. Idk since when my name become 'saraz' and he said being it as part of my life.. weird peeps. haha.

I guess gna work at Borders Orchard Bistro.. Despite so many stuffs or the Silverkris Lounge at Changi Airport cos of its availability and its attractive pay? hmms..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

today, luck doesn't seem to be on our side. I guess thats why we weren't fated to meet the Ramesh guy from the Borders Bistro. bleargh. So much of going there just to do some 'travelling' and draining the money out of the ez-link. haizz. Went to Changi Airport at first to see the Silverkris Lounge guy who said the starting pay being a thousand bucks but felt that in the end, the Bistro was better. what else could be worst.? there were actually alrd 7 applicants who applied for the job at Borders Bistro.. bleargh. Seriously don't know where else to..

meet the couple, im Mr S, she's my laopo, Mrs S.D. aka. scooby-doo!

pull the trigger... BANG!

walking endlessly....

the kids ARE being really ATTENTIVE. haha..

they need to clean and clean their hands till super CLEAN.

sentosa and flea.

2009-12-08T12:20:00.010+08:00

theres a saying that goes a daughter will be much more open and closer to her dad while the son will be more open and closer to his mom.. I guess thats true. It happens.. why is that so? no idea, but frankly speaking, its true well enough..

the kiddos.
behind the merlion.

Went to Sentosa last saturday for some family day by CAAS, one the aunts.. the kids love it, playing by the beach, and getting sunburn as well. haha. Aft that went around Sentosa.. so looking forward to the theme park, which they wanted to make Singapore version of Universal Studios and I guess will be ready by next year.. freaky cool la the rides, esp. the roller-coaster.. Sentosa changed alot.. Its been like ages since I went there.. But i think i preferred last time.. hha.

elmoo! :)

Flea @ Changi Airport

Went to Vivo for awhile to window shopping before having lunch at KTM at Tanjong Pagar the train station. Sunday on the other hand, went to Changi Airport T3 for some fleas and see look see look the shop that the aunt's sister having a sale of the Victoria's Secret perfumes plus mom's handmade watches and brooches.
baby mustaqim and some girl dunw who. haha.
at Earle's Swensens!

Can't believe that ours was in demand, mom has the flair in all this kinda of stuffs, but sadly the watches was too small for the 'makciks' who was interested in it to wear.. haiyo. or else, big profit sia.. brooches was sold out, leaving 2.. A small and a start of our business of brooches and watches. Maybe later will add on with our own handmade necklaces, bracelets in sale.. haha. Maybe gna open up a website in multiply to start a small business..

hmm, maybe I should be a businesswoman huh.? earning lots of profits.. hha.

And i just realise, i've wrote so much "maybe's".. ok should stop.

i had so many cravings. I wna enjoy life to the fullest. throw away the miseries as faaaarrrr as i could.. enjoy the life, and life will be a much more meaningful one.

NEW MOON.

2009-12-03T22:34:00.003+08:00

went out with the cuzzies, iffah, nurul and sisters. Watch the New Moon in cinemas today at Century Square in the afternoon and the movie was awesome. Sadly the endings was left hanging when Edward asked Bella to get married. bleargh. hha, and nurul was so over craze with Taylor.. haha. It was rather funny and a lot of tragedies happen.. with the exceptional of the 'kissing parts.' haha. sad too.. Overall, a MUST WATCH. haha. looking forward to the next one.. haha. :D

Met Syafinah neatly attired in Isetan's uniform, being a cashier ehs. haha.. darn, everyone's having jobs, wheareas me.? too filled with other stuffs. get everything drained out of the pocket. :(

and and, the sentosa outings this sat.! can't wait! and the flea at C.A this weekend. haha. so much things.. I'm still upset with the phone, its still particularly 'crazy' and i don't know where the hell is the camera.. bleargh. the coughs is killing me. on and off. haiz.

gna meet up with daph tmr most probably. then next weekend, she'll be away again, sob. I also wna fly away to far far away. probably 18 onwards. Quiting hunting for jobs. Let the jobs find me.. :D

I wish today wont be a sleepless night one like yesterday, whats with yesterday? Idk, some things seems to be lingering back in my mind. just something which i don't know what..

loved.

2009-12-02T17:39:00.006+08:00

was out job hunting with daph the whole of ystd and we actually lost track being 'cooped' up in the Changi Airport environment. Met cuzzy, kak shazwani who was working at Starbucks there and she kinda help a lil bit to help us find jobs and then met up with cik kecik who brought us to the different places to find jobs. Fetch Harith from his learning vision school and both of us were on our own. Was still having a sore throat and flu though, but well, I must be strong. Must fight the sickness. hha, even when grandma ask to see the doc, i still refuse. Its just a minor sick thing laa.. I'll get well soon enough :D no worries.

We lost track of time and after dinner, by the time it was like 9+.. ? And ironically too, neither mom nor dad actually text me of whereabouts, they'll kill me being out this late at night. hha, but yesterday was like tranquillity. Weird.. So reached home like 10 +, freaky tired. was laughing my ass out talking abt the aeroplanes, the pilots.. wont elaborate.

and thank you dear friend for the sweet graduation mickey mouse and the letters. thank you for always be by my side. will get you something too when results day. hhaha. :D

hari raya haji goes GREEN. :D

I hope that day will be a good day. i don wish to cry no more.. I don't wish to feel hurt. no one does..

I'm just afraid. results day, i'll be gripping with fear.

1 month + or so.. left. results, birthdays..

lets forget abt results.

it will come, naturally. with another blink of an eye.

bring me by the sea.

2009-11-26T00:58:00.003+08:00

Was particularly busy-not exactly- with so many outings day after day and like finally, wasn't 'stuck' at home.. haha. In particular, this week, the aunts and uncle planned a holiday at a bungalow somewhere nearby, not far, far away.. where else but the bungalow directly opp.the PRP. haha.. Slept over.. you know, sometimes its good to have the chance and be rich to live 'in' the bungalow, the feeling of owning our own private property.. Hmms, dreams.. I wished could become a reality.. but effort counts.

last tues.. went to get the 1st PAYjob at Tanjong Pagar with daphne. super farr laa.., and became tourists for the day, searching the place abt the bush when there's a shortcut to it... pfft. was lethargic and get ourselves a treat after the pay.. haha. Then, went to Ikea and met gladys and gang to find jobs there but everything seems to restrict to 18. bloody hell. daphne can la, since she's 18 nxt year, hha, sis..headed down bck home before we actually 'planned' to walk all the way to the condo houses just to take bus 403 to prp. haha, and the funny thing I rmbrd daph saying was she said she's nvr tired or felt motivated to walk further with me cos if she were to walk with her cousin, she will definitely gave up.. haha. you can do it daph..! hha.. so went bck to bungalow.. and today, sygku's turn to come and we had bbq tdy and watched paranormal activity tht I bought at JB. haha, thankgod dad brought it and his DVD player to watch it..Went for a night stroll just now by the beach, counting stars and enjoying the night cool breeze
-iknwuareirritatedandjealousbythisehs..-haha.
u knw who im reffering to.. :D
I kinda miss the job. haha. at dhoby ghaut, although I've just worked there for only 2 days and 6hrs job, but I'm sure gna miss the 'free' pies, the lovely workers there and the peeps in dhoby ghaut. haha, daph knows ehss. meeting with so many hotstuffs, the nice peeps, and of cos the new friend, but sad thing, didn't manage to knw his name but did manage to crap for awhile though. hha.. :D
last mon, took the madrasah exams which I didn't took last sat, cos of wedding invitations at Kota Tinggi. haha, and meeting the cousins frm far far away back at kampong:D I'm definitely plus guarantee chop ms faridah gna be envy with the wedding deco cos its PINK and SILVER! haha.. its nice, and i say the peeps bck in kampong is hell creative than the people in town and modernized city cos the hantaran all is like hand-made and decorated so beautifully.. they even know how to engrave the watermelon nicely in a very unique form, super cool and unique.. how i wished i knew how to do like those kinda..

pink and silver pelamin and deco..

the bunga telur.. the deco is nice..

with the bride..

hadi and harith love.

the far beloved cuzzy frm KL, aunty ad.

waiting for the groom to arrive..

the groom and bride.

me and aunty ad with pengantin. :D

the hantaran(s)

beloved sister.

and the beloved mother :D

the lovable aunt, cik kecik..

the dancers, malay dance? haha.

probably going to pay a visit to Dhoby ghaut again tmr and eat at the Jalan Kayu, our fav. spot since during our break times.. haha. and talking abt jobs, probably working at starbucks or somewhere in changi airport.. just somewhere far is gd. hha.
nites.

bck to the homie homie.. :D

unanswered.

2009-11-21T00:21:00.002+08:00

And honestly, I have been begging for answers
That you and only you can give to me
A voice crying loud
I've been crying for days now
And as I start to run, I stop to breathe
(And I was nearly scared to death)
And I was nearly scared to death
(Why you left in paragraphs)
Why you left in paragraphs
(The words were nearly over us)
The words were nearly over us
You stop and turn and grab your bags

And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

As hours move to minutes
And minutes take longer to break
I will be desperately awaiting
But my tongue won't fall apart
And we've been sitting here for hours
All alone and in the dark

So let me think of to word it
Is it too soon to say 'perfect'?
If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere
I'm sure everything would find me
All that's left is just to sing

Tell me once again
That you'll love me to the death
And should I die, you swear that you will come for me
As I fade away, you reach out your hand
(And please don't let me go)

zhe job.

2009-11-20T22:47:00.003+08:00

was out the whole entirely day, from morning till night- working. haha. met a couple of peeps too. Met up with daph at Bishan and headed all the way to AMK Hub, where we met darren the pie kia. haha. Giving out flyers for the pie kia at dhoby ghaut for the 1st shift 11am-2pm and daph and I took turns accompanying each other during the supposedly 'solely' job as hers was the 2nd shift frm 4.30-7.30. Its been quite a while since i stayed out late, enjoying the scenary of Singapore. I need a tourguide, being cooped up inside the house made me like some idiot dunw the places in my homeland. If I were to be alone, i'll be bored to death sia. haha. Met fikri and friend also, unexpectedly at dhoby ghaut too, said he's working arnd there but tricked us all.

The pay was not bad. $6/hr.. tmr not be doing cos gna be away in JB, and so it goes with the postpone of the exams to Monday. good and bad. haiz. no $$.. must SAVE.!

get that damn cam and travel arnd the world..

some countryside..

winter, summer..

k crap.

bye..

eh you!

imissyou!

k random.

bye.

nothin is best than shopping!

2009-11-18T21:04:00.011+08:00

say CHEESE to the camera!

ok, the story starts..

Once upon a time.. there were 3 shopaholics came to Parkway Parade..

haha..

CUT.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

take 2:

had a really splendid good time.. what else but SHOPPING! haha. that's where how a girl will do best. haha. right right? hha. Anyhoos, went out today with the beloved peeps, daphne and the dear 'aunt'. Met up with daph at ws before being fetched.. hhaha. And all the way to Parkway Parade(PP)..

the wrapping papers makes a good background. ahah.

winter's coming! that means Christmas!

Jalan punyer jalan, atlast, she's the one who ended up mostly the shopping and the big spender of the day. -haha. And most of all, the best of the best thing, what else is much more fun,priceless that led to endless memories than taking pictures.? Pictures is inevitable when going out with me. haha. Since during the Os period was filled with books and no time for pictures.. now will be flooded with pictures la, apa lagi.. haha.

termenung jauh.. thinking about... marriage of pink and silver. haha..

for her sake, just watch those mouth-watering appetizers!

she say "ok, lets makan! haha.."

cheese sticks. -darn, makes me hungry now! pfft.

Had lunch at Pastamania. and what else could i say but great and endless thanks to the teacher who have taught for 4 yrs? haha, eh don't kembang ehs. hha. But really, thanks for the treat.! and everything you have done for the past few years and the memorable days spent together(apart from the coincidences). The food was tasty and delicious, had some bacon dish, (can't recall what it was called) and the array of dishes, don't get jealous ehs.. Pics will describe the foods. haha. and the endless pictures.. , just bear with me. haha.

her food ^^ -the first, daphne the 2nd dish and mine below. hhaa.

and2.. i just realised, she LOVE CHEESE. :D

I guess we won't be meeting this sat. darn. cya again like hell soon after your Turkey trip ehs? don't forget to get souvenirs for us :D haha.

I'll stop describing it in detail. I know it will be a chunk of essay if i were to continue writing on and on. Let the pictures tell the story as the saying goes, pictures tells a thousand words.

Enjoy. :D

not all were uploaded here. most were in fb. haha.

sick of pictures. hha.

-THE END-

the cordial confidant.

2009-11-18T00:43:00.005+08:00

It's been like ages since we last met.. cam fhm ehs. haha. Although it was a last min thing, but the short aftnn is fruitful enough. thanks syg! I thought the sun will shine the whole day but rain seems to drop by and caught us in the rain. haha. Went to Paya Lebar and become the tourguide for the day, trying to get the working pants which we bargained from $25 to $22. Like finally or we'll be like searching the whole complex. While she is preparing her stuffs needed for the hotel, I'm not sure either when I'm gna workk..haha. Wanted to do admin work but i just dunw where..

Since it rained in the evening, the time when we had enough of ample time of telling stories at KFC and ended up camwhore-ing but the rain just would'nt stop. got some weird incident with some retarded person who probably is sick in his mind. Talking abt my late great grandma but suddenly he scolded us for the usage vulgarities. hello? since when eh.. crazy man. no link siaaa.

Thank god back in Paris everything was just fine. Syg was right, will take her advice. There's just so many misunderstandings. and I won't simply just let the silence to pass by just like that. it furthers the burden and wouldn't solve anything. lets turn back the time. haha. I just wished there's just this once that we were problem-free. how great life could be ehs.. and all problems are solved. Just a little bit of happiness.. Wouldn't it be good?? for like once?? I hope she's strong too.

Tmr will be another aftnn with the loved ones. gaahh~ need to catch up with them. haha. like seriously. hhaha. alritos. nitey.

and i'll end up sleeping at 3 again. bleargh. study ok? im studying.. hha. cm fhm.

bring me far far away..

2009-11-17T12:29:00.003+08:00

I'm gna chge the blogskin real soon. Or else, shut it down. Hols been a bore, a chore. When you felt that all the freedom in your hands, you feel that you have such little time to do and enjoy. I had no plans. Rotting at home. Gna be out later with sygku to find the clothes for the work. it seems working in a hotel is demanding.. Atleast there's a job for sygku, im not sure when im even starting work... pfft.

was out earlier today to get food from the shops nearby and I don't seem to understand why some people like to stare or look at me as though i'm some stranger in this neighbourhood. hha.. how funny, yet scary. haha.

and yes, with more camwhores, i'll find the suitable pic and makeover the blog and everything. It needs a new look. seriously. its been since august so 3 mths..? bleaargh. and i need new batts for the camera. Its been ages since we met.. haha. misses.

Snap.. click ..snap.. snap! -what kind of sound ehh.. here we go again..

bring me far far away will ya?

avoidance, ignorance. whatever.

gna leave and be gone..

and nobody will find me no more.

crossroads.

2009-11-16T18:41:00.003+08:00

botanic

park

new york

The typical crossroads of life. Its whether you chose the hard way to sought your happiness or choose the easy way to sought what you wished for. It's been always hard to sought happiness, and everything isn't simple as much as anyone would think. Some said it may be easy flowing, want everything easy means get everything instant and fast without seeing the quality of the item or what that have been achieved. We could be easily fall when we see someone who offers a certain position or even wealth but we failed to see the reasons why they did that. Why so? cos they have a certain aim themselves, easily by using people or bribe someone with their wealth so as to keep everything as planned and unveil. God is great.

There's always a reason why God created us to live in the world full of obstacles. Bear with the hard times,the ferocious storms and everything will comes out right, the sun will shines again. There's always ups and downs,that's how God makes everything be equal, its the matter of how we handled and face it. I can't recall was it mom or grandma says the more the obstacles the better, makes you a much more better person and be prepared to face any challenges, and also easier to heaven.. Like the Indonesians that never fails to get all kinds of sufferings of natural disasters but of cos, i'm still glad that Singapore wasn't affected.

Nevertheless, everything is back to square one. We make our own decisions and led how we want our life to be not asking others to make the decisions for you. It's all back to our own self.

i wished i could make everything back to normal. yeah. twist back the time. lets get back to basics. get amnesia. and you shall forget. everything.

2 words that seems hard enough to say. Seek forgiveness that I don't know how else to portray.

i'm sorry.

gdbye.

running out.

2009-11-15T21:04:00.003+08:00

Tick tock hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late

Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness I guess I just forget
To do all the things I said

Time passes by
Never thought I’d wind up
One step behind
Now I’ve made my mind up

Today I’m gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
’Cause we don’t have long, gonna make the most of it

Today I’m gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
’Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late
One day too late

Tick tock hear my life pass by
I can’t erase and I can’t rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do…
Wish I’d spent more time with you

Here’s my chance for a new beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
And in the end I’ll make it up to you, you’ll see
You’ll get the very best of me..

berani untuk mencuba,

berani untuk berkorban,

berani untuk merasai sakit,

berani utk melepaskan.

oh allah,

berikanlah aku kekuatan utk mengharungi ini smua.

jagalah dia utku .

terangilah jalan yg gelap menjdi terang utknya.

berikanlah kebahagiaan dan membuatnya tersenyum

kembali.

walaupunku tiada disampingnya.

jagalah dia utkku.

wna learn a 3rd language. mandarin. since most of the jobs hire ppl with mandarin speaking ppl.

haizz.

make over.

2009-11-15T18:15:00.006+08:00

spot the difference. actually not much huh. the effort counts. :D

sweet and neat. Was busy packing all the books and stuffs.. and do the house chores until its spick and span. finally today, the table is clear of all the books and worksheets. haha. wna have everything a good and nice start. even carel's bear was smiling. lol.

and thanks to ya'll who always made me smile and laugh today.. God knows how i miss crapping with u guys.

plans for the week. find jobs, watch movie, shopp with dear aunt den maybe cycling, jogging.. etc.

talking abt jogging reminds me of the convo i had with her just now. haha. won't elaborate. hehe.. and sygku for all the plans made.. i hope sygku wont be too busy with the new work at hotel ehhs.? jealous aku. hha. the pay was not bad too.

we'll see how the weather goes. haiz. even the weather knows how i feel. make it shine will ya?

the headaches killing me. comes and go. bleargh.

im taking like days to finish up the doraemon cake. everytime im down, it cheers me up:D

k watch this. damn stupid and funny, iknw.

thnks to daph. hhaha! Enjoy.

surprise.

2009-11-14T09:32:00.004+08:00

kiddos and chubby babies made me smile :D

they're super2 cute stuffs.

bear with me daph, i knw u are sick of it.

the Nov babies.

blow harder. blow bubbles.

mustaqim! Musmus, montel:D

ameera! :D

was busy baking chocolate tarts that took almost half of the day yesterday before we managed to sneakk2 into pak usu's house in the mid aftnn, before the wifey fetched the dear husby frm school before 'surprise, SURPRISE!' haha. so sweet. Theme for yesterday was BEN 10. for a 31 year old boy or should i say 'uncle..?' haha. Preparations was fast and sweet, was in-charge for the cards and the photographer as always and i actually drew Ben 10 okay? not bad right? but forgot to take the pic.. haiyo, its in the wifey cam though. Everything went smoothly as planned.

both sides of the family came. Mustaqim was superr cute and chubby. Met up with daph though for awhile to give her the SEA hist books since she just stayed a block away. hha. Rush back home, prepare here and there. Switch off the lights, get ready.. until a

deep low voice pushed the door and said "Assalamualaikum.." SURPRISE! the kids went out frm their hiding places from the kitchen. And his reaction was like indescribable cos he was actually munching a bar of Twist.. haha. Darn, how i wished the pics with me, pictu

re tells a thousand words. My cam was rather.. spoilt? Grr. Had to make use of the 5mp phone though.

had exam today. haiz..

forget it. im so not myself lately.

kill the dreams for me.

I wanna fly away.. its just that I had no directions to go.

nowhere.

I wanna stop dreaming and sleeping.

thts how i ended up sleeping at 3-4+ per day.

watching all the sinetrons in SCTV to keep me occupied while the rest under one roof falls asleep.

when boredom strucks, thts when so many things ran through my mind.

I wish i could write smtg, but I dont feel like it.

If i were to go to a JC, i wna take Lit in Malay. haha. sastera.

nahh, gone dreams.

im a gone case.

forget it.

the adidas shirt that I chose for dear uncle last thurs. not bad huh?

can't believe that my aunts and parents agree on this shirt. haha:D

the night where we search high and low for Ben 10 t-shirts for the Kiddos from TM to central near the school. haha. and head down for dinner near the fish pond, or wtv u called it.

cuzzy danial hadi^^

and the doraemon cake frm dear aunt.

if elmo is better cos its RED! haha :D

not over.

2009-11-12T04:26:00.006+08:00

proudly to announce tht GCE O Levels is officially OVER!

like one said, blink once, prelims over, blink twice, Os over.. hha(:

Was trying to sleep but I just couldn't. Tired of sleeping. Maybe was too 'used' to studying at night in the wee hours of the morning..

As predicted, everything turns out the way I've predicted.

I'll miss the habit of studying..

the school(not entirely..)

the teachers..

the beloved friends...

everyone leaves. maybe I should too..

Daph said the next time will be 12 Jan onwards..

the day that determines our future. and I could see myself..

idk whether will there be tears of joy or tears of sadness.

i dun wished what happens on aug the 19th(i tink) to repeat itself..

foolish to think abt the past.. damn results, but I just couldn't take it..

Grandma been giving me all the false hopes..

when everything's done and over with.

said chances to pass and hopes are thin..

since i didnt managed to finished up Lit and Maths..

yeahh, i know..

everything is back to me..

I did my best..

but nobody cares.

the relentless nights of study all gone to waste.

nobody understands..

blame everything on me.

Celebration not for me.

I feel there's no need for celebration.

whatever for?

I've not done my best.. Probably ended up retaking the Os next year.. who knows?

should have heeded my uncle's advice last time when I got the PSLE results and have the choice of going the Express/NA stream. the typical crossroads. He told me to rather go to the NA stream than to the express but Dad said otherwise.

"why waste another year of your life?" was his answer.

thts how I ended up in Express stream and being 'dumped' into loyang.

And now, out of loyang where it held so much memories.

just seems to vanish just like that.

next year, dunw which school im gna get 'dumped' into..

Sis been getting all the As and topped her class.

envy, jealousy..

but I realised each and everyone have its own strengths and weaknesses.

What am i having a flair at? nothing.

a nobody.

not someone to be proud abt..

so dont follow my footsteps..

I foresee tht u have a brighter future ahead better than me.

achieve tht dreams tht we once had..

someone who could contribute to the society. a doctor.

haha.. childhood dreams.

It seems it wont ever come true..

maybe adik bro too.. despite his mischievousness.

for all u knw..

i never expect anything.

Just wishing tht u were strong enough to face the odds..

and not being too egoistic in ur life. -haha, y should i care eh.

n sought ur happiness. that all.

now it turns the other way.

twist of life. whatever.

but its ok, it will takes time..

bloody hell, all because of time

time tht takes away everything..

Sometimes I wish i had amnesia..

everytime a new day starts..

and when i woke up, I'll forget what happens the day before.

everything erased.

the good part, u forget whoever u ever met.

the bad part, i'll still stuck with the past.

needs constant reminder to make me rmbr wad h

appen before, recently.

ok, bad idea.

leaving and saying gdbye is the hardest part.

but its part and parcel of life one would say.

everyone goes through it.. I realize.

dunw where to go..

to nowhere probably.

since MCQ paper also doesn't help.

just pass arnd there.

haiz.

ctrl+alt+del whatever i wrote ^^

nvm, let it be there.

wna start a fresh and a new. haha.

don't care whatever or whoever gna say.

who cares.?

wna apply for jobs but dad seems to object..

"want to work? think wisely.."

wads wrong with working. C'mon, not only you could work, I also need to gain experience.

fill the holidays with smtg than rotting at home.

I realized one would have no life too when there's simply endless work to do, right ami?

life evolves just like tht. I realize life is a bore.

same routin, same phases of life to go through..

bck to square one.

Gna take up some courses or smtg to keep me occupied..

learn smtg. den the dec hols will be filled with holidays..

back to the hse at JB!(:

shop2..

thinking abt JB, hopefully she could make it to the wedding nxt Sat.

then cn meet again. see how small the world is?

then postpone the madrasah exams..

-don need to take laaaa..

next week SHOPPING me, her, daphne.

meeting sygku probably too:D

hols will past by very quickly.. with another blink of an eye.

then results.

finding jobs asap.

maybe working with aunt doing admin work at Changi Airport..

or maybe some other admin stuffs at other place..

or any other work..

just put me to sleep alrite.

sing me a lullaby..

i dont wish to wake up no more.

the world is too cruel to face and live in..

sleep and the 2012 happenings will happen-hw true..

where death is inevitable.

the world is coming to an end..

gdbye.

overdued pics.

the peeps who've been with me for 4 yrs and been there with me thru thick and thin..

its not over yet.

theres more to come.

gdnite(:

morning to the earlybirds. :D

dilema cinta

2009-11-10T01:06:00.003+08:00

Seberapa salahkah diriku
Hingga kau sakiti aku begitu menusukku
Inikah caramu membalas
aku yang slalu ada saat kau terluka

Seberapa hinanya diriku
Hingga kau ludahi
semua yang ku beri untukmu
Tak ada satu pun perasaan
Yang mampu membuatku begitu terluka

Namun ku terlanjur mencintai dirimu
Terlambat bagiku pergi darimu
Bagi ku terlalu indah perasaan itu
Tak mudah untukku menjauh darimu

Telah ku coba segala cara
tuk bahagiakan kamu merebut hatimu
Namun tak semudah yang ku bayangkan
Bila kau tak inginkan ku tuk disisimu

Tak pernah kurasakan sebelumnya
Menginginkan dirinya hingga ku tak kuasa
Mengartikan diriku bahwa ku mampu berlalu

-dilema cinta

best describe my feelings right now. Everythings going to an end. I guess my wishes will never come true cos u are oblivious of everything i wished you knew.

I guess its time to forget you.

blessing in disguise

2009-11-09T22:38:00.002+08:00

there are a million things why things turned out into smtg unexpectedly..

there's a million reasons why it turned out that way..

some things i wished its best not to know the truth but yet,

the truth was veiled.

nevertheless, like one said, there's always a blessing in disguise..

I still have faith.

believing that there's a reason in everything tht happens.

but you took my heart away.

whats left is the emptiness..

haiz

(:

2009-11-07T23:03:00.002+08:00

felt so much better now. thanks love one(:

went window shopping with family.. Its been like ages since i last spent time with the fam. and went out together with them.. Mom's funny, i love her warmth. lil bro's up to his antics.. haiz. 3yr old kid up to his mischievous acts again, geram tetap geram, most of all need to be more strict and discipline him in a sense. got myself another top from Metro at Sengkang aft sis's parents meeting session for her subs comb to pri 5. Met with all the so long nvr see teachers. haha. aww, i miss them. hush. God's great. been taking care of love one even when i aint there. He's a happy chap now, am happy for that. to see his smile:D

alritos, bck to study. cant be complacent even if there's 2 more papers to go.

haizz.

perhaps another you.

2009-11-07T19:47:00.004+08:00

invisible, right. invisible.

Several times I told myself, "sarah, u have to let him go, move on."

several times I told him,"everyone have to move on.."

I guess that piece of advice was told but not practiced by myself.

it hurts to see you go.

Every beat of my heart, every second..

I can't seem to forget you.

It's great to see you smile. You have, not me.

Im still stuck here. still wishing..

the time would stop, wished you'll come back..

Even if the time stops..

would u ever know? would u ever realise..?

that i still need you here by my side..

Will you ever know how i feel?

I guess you dont. maybe you do.

but i just don't know.

maybe you never do.

or just pretend to.

I realise im a nobody.

cos you never knew..

I never meant anything to you.

love is oblivious to patience.

patience that could take days, month and years.

but there's a limit to everything.

ok, move on.

i realise dreams are just fantasies, not reality.

dreams that reflects what we went through during the sub-conscious state.

what seems to be stuck and be part of our memory.

the past.. haiiz.

im just not strong.

but ur presence made me strong again today. thnks.!

but the moment you leaves, hw i wished you will stay.

but i guess, it will never will..

i hate this. hates love.

whats left are just memories.

One said its best to let go. If he comes back he's urs, if not he doesn't.

another you.

read between the lines

2009-11-06T01:05:00.003+08:00

there's a reason why God created girls and boys, men and women. They are different kinds of mankind that dependent on each other in facing the odds of life. The problem lies because of misinterpretation of the what one said and thus causes this misunderstandings which eventually leds to conflicts. No doubt why sometimes we are so held up together romantically but in other times, 'cold war' happens. Its because the men and women are different. men are more direct in a sense, but women can be rather indirect, as what they wanted is to be understood. That's why there's a need to read between the lines. both needs it. interpret it properly and you'll find the hidden meaning. the hidden reason. the hidden secret.

just read between the lines..

it helds a story

long to be told..

another day

2009-11-06T00:39:00.002+08:00

History paper 1 -ystd, since its past the 12midnight..

was doable, except the fact for the essay.. wasn't too sure if i wrote the correct points for the part a) or b) essay. bleargh. SBQ was similar to Prelims, so not much of a problem there. haha, managed to scribble through though(i hope they could read my atrocious handwriting..), but anyhoos, just forget abt it. First time to have only 18ppl taking the Os in the hall, only the Pure history students was a once in a lifetime. I guess in smaller groups is better as compared to see rows of students sitting agitatedly doing their papers. One will say the pressure will be there when there's only a few taking the Os but to me is different. I felt better doing, with Maltersers on the table. haha. chocs give me motivations, and mindmaps helps though.

Tdy in 7hrs time, will be taking the Lit papers. just so many memory work, but thanks to the dear mindmap it helps. and thanks to him too for telling me the techniques to score an A(: I hope i cn get an A2-A1 for humans. its one of the subs im depending on..

missed someone.

wonders what he's doing..

hmms.

unsaid

2009-11-04T22:16:00.005+08:00

So many things are left unsaid.

everyone's leaving, so are you.

strangely like a stranger, i don't know you.

irony that is.

its so funny that we have the same chemistry.

when i see your life, it depicts mine.

like some twin of my life or smth..

but u handled it differently.

approached it in a different manner.

I will still live life to the fullest..

despite my hectic schedule, I'll still spend time with

the beloved..

now thats different.

you may be indifferent, smtg unique abt you.

one in a million.

however, there's also parts that i dont like abt you..

(ok this just sounds like Mr mohd..)-write essay qn..

haha.

ok wont elaborate. stop here.

there's just so many things left unsaid..

that means, mission not accomplished.

and i hate that.. work not done.

haiish..

iloveyou(:

misses.

2009-11-04T15:30:00.003+08:00

Physics paper today!

it was durable. Im rather satisfied with the paper. but i should have trust my 1st instincts, i chged the correct ans to the wrong one.. hows tht? argh. wad a bad day.wasted marks. physics my only hope. chem too much chemicals. haizz.

4 more papers to go. Tmr will be Hist paper 1 fllwd by Lit on Fri, den next week tues will be MT and the 11Nov, Weds, the last day of the GCE Os, phy/chem MCQ. a must to score. haha. and then say HELLO to CELEBRATIONS.! byebye books, hello freedom.! (i'm sure im gna missed the habit of studying. haha.-

Im so lethargic. thank god tdy's paper ends early, went home to catch up with sleep. After phy paper just seems to be the last day of the exams.

We went msging with dear hello kitty. Seems tht just a few days w/o seeing her this week felt different w/o her. terubat lah rindu. haha. she says she's gna be back when our papers ends and celebrate with us. haha. so sweet. cannot wait. all the best invigilating yeah? hha.

I just couldn't believe I am leaving school. The sudden twinge of feelings brought uncertainty in me. Part of me say I don't want to leave. Secondary school life that brought so much memories. We learn to face the odds when years passed by. We shared the laughter, the joy, the pain, the nonsensical stuffs we did. To leave is difficult. I wished time would stop. enjoy like eternity living in a place called school. With dear friends, the nonsensical classmates, the beloved teachers who never failed to coach us.. Life out there is different. Its harsh, the obstacles will be much more harder than what we thought will be 'freedom'. We walked our own. We mould our own life. Its different. As much as taking the Os is a rather an obstacle, life is how we shaped it. What we get is how we much we put in. and for that, im scared. i feel small. scared to face the reality of life. I need guidance but who to.? cos im on my own.

alritos, gna study hist and lit altogether tdy. He's teaching me lit later. haha. ok bye.

make it.

2009-11-02T16:09:00.002+08:00

i feel like killing myself,

i feel like the end of me..

but i had to go through this..

Just a bit more..

Im just not strong enough..

let me be strong..

Chem's a killer. not really, Im having doubts.. really had to depend on my physics. thank god physics was much more 'logic!', unlike chem. Idk why i took chem at first too.. haiz.

SS was okay.. He's predictions right, i did Bonding. lets bond yeah? didnt managed to finish the SBQ last qn, and there goes my 7marks.. pfft.

alrite, i have way to go for art. toodles.!

i don't wished the results to be known.

kill me before the results..

or let me kill myself.

i cant take it anymore.

i cant face the truth..

just let it be unknown..

some things.

2009-10-31T23:49:00.002+08:00

Some of the things that made me smile was to see you happy.

away from all the miseries.

prayed and wished everything will be alright..

and wished everything will be just the same the way before.

love?

2009-10-31T02:38:00.002+08:00

You asked what is love? Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting her or him not to. :)

rise.

2009-10-31T00:54:00.002+08:00

I've been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something

I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn't see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I'm coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin' my world start to turn

And I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Holding onto things and vanished
Them to the air
Left me in pieces
But now I'm rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart

And I'm out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I'm keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun

-Time of my life.

you know..

whoever who gets u

is some damn lucky girl.

RAIN.

2009-10-31T00:17:00.002+08:00

studied with daph at BK for awhile before heading to the library since my laptop ran out of batteries. hha. Did art though and studied Hist and SS though. Was caught in the rain and the ferocious thunder and lightning whilst waiting for the bus 3. How i wished i was back at home, how i wished u were there too. damn tht memories, bullshit. im leaving.. The lighting was damn scary.. k dah, wad crap sia.

Sneak2.. tmr, going bck skool to study chem with ms soh. so come early again. grr. my life evolves around study and school.. this gna end, but im sure gna miss it when i didnt touch it.. maybe going religious class, we'll see how. Im still stuck with Art. I feel like throwing it aside. bleargh. hate it.. it appears at the wrong place and the wrong time.. in the midst of the humans subjects.. hist, ss, and the sciences. haiz. this will end.this will END.

alritos, bck to drawing. twisted and tangled life of the poverty, deprived life of the people in developing countries. complicated yet.. idk. i kept chging ideas. k, focus.!

i love the rain but nt the thunder/lightning.. hmms.

feel it. sense it. know it.

2009-10-28T23:59:00.004+08:00

there's this feeling I just couldn't explain.

was it love? was it care? was it just like any other feelings.

mixed feelings.

i don't know.

I think I'm falling in love again.

Time is running out. I just can't seem to move on.

You kept lingering in my minds, in my dreams

and deep inside my heart.

You brought me away from all the miseries.

You were always there when I am down.

You made me forget my past, and

told me time and again, I have to move on.

This feeling. This undeniable feeling, I just couldn't explain.

I guess you knew, but maybe not.

cos you are also stuck with your past..

unable to move on, the love one in your heart.

maybe not now, maybe later.

When everyone moves on to their separate ways..

When you realise my presence, you'll know

I was there for you too.

but it was too late.

If only humans could read each others minds,

everything will be so much simpler.

but of cos, there were things we don't wished to know,

that why God created us to be like this.

weak, fragile, have feelings, sleep, eat..

weakness that He don't possess

we humans are weak..

after giving so many clues..

maybe before we leave,

you'll know who I'm referring to..

you'll feel it, sense it, know it soon enough,

miss and love ya(:

dilemma

2009-10-28T22:13:00.002+08:00

Masa berlalu..

Tanpaku menyedari

Percintaan yang kita bina

Hampir terlerai

Apakah salahku

Kau buatku begini

Dalam dilema

Di antara jalan derita.

Tidak pernah kuduga

Ini semua terjadi..

Janganlah engkau

menghancurkan segala

Setelah lama

Kita mengharungi bersama

Usah biarkan..

Cinta kita yang suci..

Dilambung ombak, karam di lautan berduri

Hanya satu pintaku

Moga kau menginsafi

Ohh..

Semua ini..

Telah banyak yang kuberi..

Sejak dulu lagi

Pengorbanan tiada pernah jemu..

Hanyalah Tuhan saja

Bisa menentukan semua

Kesabaran daku menantimu..

ohh..

Ku tetap memaafkan

Dan berdoa kau kembali

Sebelum diri melangkah pergi..

-di persinggahan dilema-nora

childhood fav, song.>kecik2 dh tau love song ehs? hha>

life

2009-10-28T21:10:00.003+08:00

As I reminisced back the school life I went through in the past secondary school life, I laughed at myself for the foolish-ness and ludicrous things that I did. There were happy ones, sad ones, crazy ones.. Secondary School taught me many things, true friendships, love, patience, endurance.. The hardships faced, r/ps probs, conflicts that happen just because of lil' bits of misunderstandings cos of lack of communication and the big EGO. Even so, through all these years, as days and years passed by, we learnt to be more matured, handle things in much more sensible way, and especially patience.

Times I had felt like an eternity. I still could remember how I got myself into all kinds of trouble when I was in Sec 2. Mixed with the wrong group of people, life was just filled with hanging outs or like some person say 'lepak only'. My dreams, my great determination to chge get good results and ended up into a JC was far frm now. I wished I could have started earlier. Maybe, I'll be in 4E1 then, with the better, studious people and NOT taking Art. I could have get much lower agg. for prelims..haiz.

Now, when Os are still on, everyone will be on their own ways. Separated. Don't know whether we'll ever meet again. We walked alone. All by ourselves. Leading our own lifes and destiny. Sometimes I felt I'm not strong, to face these odds. But sometimes its best to walk alone.

oh god, make me strong to face these..

HOPE.

2009-10-28T18:32:00.002+08:00

Maths Paper 2 isnt a killer. But its a thief of time.

I had just let 24marks to fly away just like tht for paper 2.. how GREeeaAAT..? haiz.

didnt managed to do 2 qns, Qn 8 and 9. bleargh.

and i actually mistook the end time for 1730 instead of 1700..(mati2 I thought it was 5.30)..

haiz..

I guess now I shouldnt be drooling abt the past. counted the possible marks I could get, arnd 50++? haiz, and I really damn hope my paper 1 I could pass too. for now.

next few papers will be another worry. Art especially. why is there no END? Sciences, MUST get b3-A2.. a MUST.

ok sarah, go bck blaja.

hha.

i'll never quit till the damn very last day of my life.

HOPE..

foryoutoo.

like butterflies.

2009-10-28T01:23:00.002+08:00

Change everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

Best you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and use this chance to be heard
your time is now

Interlude

Change everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

Best you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and use this chance to be heard
your time is now

Interlude

Don't let yourself down
don't let yourself go
your last chance has arrived

Best you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and use this chance to be heard

your time is now.

had maths paper 1 'ystd' was doable though, yet, i have these mixed feelings if I could pass. half/half. was drooling abt the matter and till ms faridah told us to just forget and score better for paper 2. I guess, well yeah. Paper1 was easy, yet tricky. Talking abt an easy paper, it means it will affect the bell curve, the bloody bell curve. why wasnt there any equality then? Can't deny but to accept tht life isn't fair. Went to BK at downtown to have a quick snack whilst going through some of the qns, which apparently was basically'carelessness' and some gd. Can't believe tht she actually could finish the whole paper in half an hour during her break time, like wow? guessing all the tops tht will come up for paper 2 ..blah.

some parts of me say im ready.. some said i dont. i hate this doubts.

so does it for you.

Small World.

2009-10-25T21:54:00.004+08:00

'look whose lying there comfortably at the back, chatting away with ****"

The least or the worst thing ever was to have a teacher who is 'related' to you. After like so many years, I had actually met this new cik/aunty of mine. Who else but the maths teacher, shockingly and ironically, yet it was true. I was particularly shocked when I got to know this. She herself told me. WOW. ! Another aunt who is a teacher! If i were to know it earlier, I would have asked her to be my private tutor. hows that?? But sadly, I only knew it today. And thanks for all the ludicrous jokes of yours. Thanks for the preet-za. Thanks for being a wonderful Maths teacher for 4 consecutive years. and thanks for being my new aunt! haha

alrite. wont elaborate. dont ask me. I cant believe it either.

Tmr will be the start of the Major exams, English. alrites, gtg. back to STUDY!

alrite sarah, u can do this. Tmr, just give ur best shot. Aim above the targets. Get tht bloody marks!! all the way sarah.. You can do it(:

hocus-focus.

2009-10-24T12:10:00.003+08:00

Endless studying, endless hardwork

tmr, today, every single sec to spare isnt gna fly away just like that.

Tmr, planned to come over to Ms Faridah's hse to study.

study like crazy. haha. whole day aites.

and just the next day will be the start of the MAJOR exams.

English, followed by Maths Paper 1 on tues and Paper 2 on Weds.

break for another intensive study for the other subs like humans,

the Sciences, and ART.

Talking abt Art, I seriously havent continue my supportive studies.

argh. another workload.

Let this end. Just like the love tht ends.

haiz.

ok FOCUS.

bye.

the light.

2009-10-23T21:56:00.003+08:00

my heart hurts to think that it have to go on this way.

How i wished I could read ur mind..

how I wished i knew the truth..

I don't wished to live in pretence.

but u got me this way.

Was it someone, or something..

that triggers u..

to give aside the love..

i wished i knew..

i want to know.

Cos u chge a lot tdy.

I don't knw if i ever know u..

oh god..

show me the light..

GCE Os starts exactly next week. I cant believe I am seating for the paper this year.

time flies too fast huh.? so does all the memories.

blah3.

bye.

Memoirs

2009-10-23T01:15:00.003+08:00

Graduation Day. A day full of memories. Stop and spot!

this gna be the end.

let the memories speaks.

time will tell.

everything.

u will knw.

soon enough.

this undeniable feeling.

when love evolves.

2009-10-22T22:40:00.004+08:00

what happens when a girl loves a boy..

but he doesn't know she had a crush on him..

and at the same time another boy likes her..?

hmms...

cmg to school again tmr.. at 8.. haha. promised daph I will reach earlier then her.. lols.

I wished i could get away frm this facade.

You've always been there in times of need.

many thanks.!

I told myself, repeatedly many times..

I couldn't get this to obstruct me frm getting my goals..

this foolish love that just seems like an illusion.

Sarah, FOCUS.

bye, nyte.

random

2009-10-17T02:27:00.002+08:00

I was struck with boredom. Seriously. Currently, drawing and more drawing. I don't know when will this end. Ironically, I don't feel sleepy at all. Overview for the next few days: tdy(SAT), idk if i would go out and study.. SUN: planning to go out with daph, find smtg nice for the teachers esp the faridah.. 4yrs of teaching me. haha. and all the teachers who had been relentlessly stayed back with us every aftnn and night classes. MON: no school. TUES: Grad DAY. oh, there will be tears. haha. sob2. I can't believe im graduating. its tooo fast. WEDS: study,night classes. THURS: Science Os Practical. -and by then, I'll have 3 days b4 the major exams start. doom comes. haiz. There's so much uncertainties. But then, I'll produce the results alrite.

back to art. pfft.

a piece of the mind.

2009-10-16T22:16:00.003+08:00

another week just passed just like that. Like I've said, with a blink of an eye, the time flies. Before you know it, another day had past, to weeks and months even years. I can't believe that neither. Its seriously TOO FAST to be exact. Sometimes, I don't feel like graduating. haha. I feel that there's so much things that I didnt treasure with to the fullest. Friends, companions, tutors, the loved ones. I could still remember the 1st day of school this year, I vision-ed myself, how it will be like to be in the last few days of school..? How my preparations look like? who will I meet.? How was my life gna be like..? Could I succeed? Do I have the strength to overcome all these odds of life? months had passed, its almost the end of the year. Mr Mohd was right. As a teenage, we are still gaining experience. The problems we faced, the failures in friendship, relationships.. These traumatic/ incidents that happen with someone close to our hearts, and frm there, our brain expands to become more matured in a sense. It teaches us one thing but experience. The experience that we faced to overcome all the challenges of life as we gradually grows up to adolescence.

I guess every single individual faces this. A human cycle. This process will gradually teaches us to face this world. The world that is degenerating to something evil and cruelty. Sometimes, how I wished, I was never born. To face this cruelty of the world. To face with so many people of different personalities. How I wished I don't have to. its rather be an unborn than born. But I can't change what God had given us. We had to face the reality. The reality of life. We had accepted to live and crave the way we want to live. Even if its just for a while.

I'm so lethargic these few days. Lack of sleep, improper food intake.. skipping meals. Whenever I reached home, I didn't consume my dinner. Breakfast and lunch was plainly dry foods like biscuits lest chocs. Everyday was simply study, study, study. Burning the midnight oil every single day. I wished this could end, neither do I want to go through this. Its just too fast.

alritos, this the end. I'll strive this obstacle. To the end.

im gna miss you. seriously.

sometimes I wonder, why should I..

cos you are after all, just a friend.

human minds.

2009-10-16T01:24:00.004+08:00

its 1.30am now.

currently researching for art stuffs. needs ideas.

chose the topic on Twisted or Tangled. The story will be something to do with 'mental' disorders, psychiatric disorders of the humans, partly similar as the coursework that I did on split/multiple personality, the Dissociative Identity Disorder(DID)on MASKS. Frankly, I don't have a single idea why I thought of something complex for art, ironically, and so much interest into the psychiatry. Its interesting though, to learn psychology/psychiatry, knowing the human minds, what makes the person react in a certain manner.. etc. and, guess what, tmr or basically today, the exam markers for the Art Os will be marking our coursework! OMG. so that's 3rd flr A blk prob. I hope i got As. Its hell load of effort alrite. Now have to concentrate on getting this Art Paper 2 done and over for. It really kills me. arrgh.

-sleep tight(:

will we?

2009-10-15T23:01:00.002+08:00

it hurts to see you cry,

it hurts to see you in pain.

I don't know what has gone through me.

I guess I had fall in love with you.

Years passed to months to weeks and came today.

I see you as a leader, a motivator, a mentor,

a successor.

I've never realise this, for years had gone by..

and only knew you just for awhile.

Its hard to forget the past, I know.

Neither do you.

I've realised where I am at, its hard for you too.

this undeniable feeling grew each day.

I just wished you knew.

will you remember me when we are a-part?

will I ever see you again.?

do I have the chance.? do we?

will fate brings us together?

...

Nevertheless, nice to know you.

you've been a great great fren.

-dont need to guess.

if you read, you'll understand.

they said you when i didnt even say

a word.

how guesses are true.

'u knw what,u have a cute smile(:

choose.

2009-10-15T22:40:00.005+08:00

As the tables of time start to turn
A fire in your heart begins to burn
The flame within you is hotter than hell
What could this mean, only time can tell
People say life is like a maze
There are so many paths and so many ways
You always begin from the road that says “start”
But as you walk on it, it splits apart
It doesn’t matter what path you choose
Because as long as you reach the end you have nothing to loose
Life is a surprising adventure
Whatever lies ahead, you can’t be too sure
Not knowing what’s next, is only half the fun
If you don’t want to miss a moment you better run
The time limit is already set
Whatever you do in life, just don’t regret
Make your life worth living
Don’t waste a second, the clock is ticking
Give the world something to talk about
Your life is a fire, don’t put it out

reality of life.

2009-10-15T05:21:00.002+08:00

Reality is an illusion.

Reality is nothing more than a vivid hallucination;

A realistic illustration of our own aspirations.

Reality is the life and soul of our imagination;
Our greatest creation manipulated;
A gleaming perception of the misapprehension.

Reality is the individual adaptation of the mass delusion;
A mere observation of our minds recollection;
An artificial representation of memory accumulation .

Reality is our personal edition of our own variation;
A private rendition of our interpretation.

Reality is a lie.

somewhat. somehow.

I say 'Blink!'

2009-10-07T22:41:00.005+08:00

I guess cutting down on comp and internet really helps. Killing that habit of mine. Maybe gna use it like once in a week? Its just a few more weeks before the last lap. I don't even know if I am even prepared. No, im not. There's just pretty a hell loads of things need to be covered in such a short period of time. Studying at night helps to cover back the times I had lost, but I still feel Im still not pushing myself hard. I need to push myself harder. beyond the limit if possible. Of cos, understanding the concepts is important rather than covering the subs w/o understanding it. pathetic. How?

I'm trying to balance my time for the sciences, Phy on odd days, chem on the even. Humans is another problem. Apart from all the consultations hours we had and planned for the various subs, there are still a whole lot more to improve. The skill, the techniques, the knowledge. Oh god. Pls teach me, give me a way to overcome this.

Night classes, I feel im lacking something. I dont knw. There many things I had not done.

I need guidance. Maybe I should sit facing a wall, with a peace and serenity in the surroundings. When no one could disturb me. The best time, place to study.

next week will be a week of hell. The art Os for paper 2 will be issued, and that basically means I seriously need to prepare for the Art paper before the real O level exam day on the 3rd/4th Nov. Damn it. idiotic art, stealing my precious time of study.

alritos. till here.

-u came back, unexpectantly.

u brought the smile back

for 2 consecutive days..

but too bad, it was too late.

i say, hello old fren.

somewhat,

i still miss you though.

With just a blink of an eye

the time flies.

...

let it burn..

2009-10-03T11:16:00.005+08:00

"such beautiful dreams burned together with the flame,

time will tell and changes everything.."

-the whole world knows, you don't know.?

the last lap.

2009-10-03T00:20:00.002+08:00

Determination beyond believe.

That's what it takes to be the best.

You need to work for what you're given..

earning everything that you have ever wanted.

Determination.

That's what you need if you want to be a leader,

everyone needs something.

but if you want to be the best,

and you want to be someone people look up to,

or you want to accomplish something.

you need determination..

"Now that I am new,
Now that I have learned,
That my spirit and my soul,
Is together once again.

I knew my body has limits,
I knew time is running out,
But I wont lose this chance,
To change myself again.

I am determined,
I will be strong,
I can take charge of my life,
Live like never before.

My loving parents,
Please trust your daughter,
You won't be dissapointed,
You will be impressed.

To all the loved ones,

who cared,

who shared tears and joy,

giving endless motivations,

and believe in me..

showing me the ray of light.

I am determined now,
To give out my all,
I will prove to you,
That I will not fail."

oh yes i would. Won't spare even a sec to pass just like that..

im determined to achieve.

to achieve with SUCCESS.

the last lap; lets do it. sprint to the finishing line..

change.

2009-09-27T11:20:00.004+08:00

there's a million things running through my mind. Sometimes i wished I could look at the future, and from there, I could change the current life I'm going through the a better life.

Im gna give up so many things, frm tdy onwards..

everything that becomes so addicted and a habit for me, restraining myself and my studies..

change is hard i know, but sacrificing this lil bit of things will definitely chge everything..

gdbye peeps.

Away.

2009-09-26T08:18:00.003+08:00

will be away for unpredictable number of days. frm tmr onwards..

just gna be in FAR FAR AWAYY... somewhere.

gdbye.

-thanks zul for the motivation.

really appreciate it.

missing

2009-09-25T00:15:00.005+08:00

im missing something.

im unsure what is it..

sometimes i felt its better to be a

secret.

where no one knows.

than it to be known..

sometimes i wished you knew..

but times seems to be say otherwise.

i need the clue..

which seems so hard to be true.

lets just go on with the flow..

for i knw, there are still room for these ...

"plenty reasons, yes.i tried to understand you, but it seems so hard though..

cos you'll never understand.."

back to childhood.

2009-09-23T15:32:00.003+08:00

Had phy/chem paper1 MCQ today. was durable though. And today, marks the end of the prelims. Hip,hip.. HOORAY! but not for long..

cos there's the big fat O looming ahead.

frankly..

im not ready..

i need motivation.

i need help..

anyone..?

I just feel like running.. Feel the wind swept pass me..

run and run and run..

running to reach the goal..

running frm all the misery..

just run..

i just long-ed for the freedom..

anyone cares to join?? haha..

will be back when i have the mood to blog.

currently, i just feel like studying..

must keep the momentum running..

tc.

only you could

2009-09-22T22:44:00.001+08:00

Ku cuba redakan relung hati,
Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi,
Terlukis di dalam kenangan,
Bebas bermain di hatiku….

Cerita tentang masa lalu,
Cerita tentang kau dan aku,
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan,
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku….

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi,
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati,
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir,
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Cerita tentang masa lalu,
Cerita tentang kau dan aku,
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan,
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku….

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi,
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati,
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir,
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Hari Raya comes again.

2009-09-22T21:10:00.004+08:00

abg izwan's family merged with us!

my familia.

adikku tersayang, Izz Matiin!^^

my aunt as well as my maths tutor(:

clockwise: me, syafiqah, nurul, iffah, syafiq and syamil

Jln Tenaga hse; where everyone meets(:

bonding. haha.

but the other 9 adik beradik missing. haiyo.

this year, in particular, hari raya wasn't what I was looking forward into. Mom's side was what i cherished the most. haha. but when it comes to dad's side, i just wished there's still arwah atuk 'hah' and arwah nenek'mok'. I still remembered arwah atuk will always give his cucu-cicit $1 coins, and nenek mok with her meleteh, genes that were being passed down to the current generations. I somewhat miss their presence in the family. And, w/o their presence, dad's family became disunited. Previous years, we went to the same place at Jalan Tenaga where all the Mahdari family meet. But now, some went to the eldest family's hse, some still went back to Jln Tenaga, some.. "batang hidung pon tak nmpk. " So this year, there's no common place to meet, so we will either coincidentally meet at someone's house and frm there we start going frm house to house.

This year, not everyone was present, it saddens me that some seems to forget their own roots. where they belong. Hari Raya meant to be the time when everyone gets together and merged as one, foster bonds with each other. Another time will be Hari Raya Haji. these two impt days are the only times when we cherished the times spent with each other, cos living in a cosmopolitan life like in Singapore, its just so hard to even ask each other's well-being. Anyhoos, I only went for the 1st day of hari raya. Ystd was stuck mugging at home studying History and Physics. And guess what? I wrote all the facts wrongly for Hist. pfft.!

Instead of 'giving a court order..", I wrote "..giving warning letter.."

baik ke pe, warning letter? haha. Physics was durable. I dun noe if i could make it. Studied more on Hist than physics. stupid me. but did get the formulas right. anyway, Ms Soh said for Chemistry, we did better than in Mid Year. I seriously hope i passed. I dun want another failure. dont want the efforts to go down the drain just like that. I want results.

Bought the TYS Yearly for Phy and Chem tdy at Tamp Mall with Daph. fast for the 6days of hari raya tdy, 1st day la konon. Idk why, whenever i watch the other malays eat tdy, i was like, "ehk, drg tak puase ke..?"

Ramadhan over la sarah!

Had this secret. Dont noe if i wanna tell daph abt it. its been a secret for months.

the crush..

tc. back to study(:

eve raya(:

2009-09-19T23:09:00.005+08:00

Spent the almost the whole day spring cleaning the house and had a makeover. haha. Made the ketupats, help out with making of the sambal goreng, the best out of the best serunding and all the other foodsuffs. Even the block wants to celebrate Hari Raya you know.? With a new coat of paint for the block, its as if a complete pack to celebrate. Steal some time to study History cos Im so badly wanna balik kampong this Monday. The feeling is soo far much different than in Singapore. And I guess, since the day after tmr is a public holiday, I guess my family(on my dad's side) will be going from house to house till late at night. Imagine, with so many relatives and cucu-cicit on my dad's side, we couldn't even finished the houses for a day. The houses we went last year doesn't even touch 10, & i guess its because we spent too much time in one house and done crapping away. haiyo. Tmr confirm sleepy abis punyer. Contacts will dry up so easily too. Anyway, the kiddos had a reunion today at my house and everyone(my mom's side) came over to break fast. So, you can imagine how kecoh it is with e

veryone in one roof. And, they played bunga api too. -punyer

suka drg- haha.

lil cuzz, Harith^^

bby bro, Izz Matiin(front) and cuzz Hadi^^

Cousin Khalis and Harith.^^ and the one & only lil 'girl' cousin, Ameera.

"Me first! Me First!.."

And yesterday, went to Tekka Mall for henna with cik kecik, aunty shida, sis, and cuzz.khalis. Went shopping before that cos by the time we finished, it was close to buka time and break fast at Tamp Mc'donalds.

alritos, till here. I guess I wont be blogging until I have the time to. haha.

before that..

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all the Muslim friends..

and the non-muslim-happy 'xtra' holiday ehh..

Mohon maaf zahir & Batin.

jikalau tersilap kata/bahasa..

tolong dimaafkan.

Selamat Hari Raya!

craves.

2009-09-17T21:28:00.004+08:00

" I want the SONY DSLR a380"

"I want to earn more $$$"

"I want to jump up high.."

"I want to go shopping"

"I want a new line"

"I want ..."

If only what I craved could only be fulfilled, right this moment. Just felt that there's just so many things I wanted just seems to be a dream without it becoming a reality. I'm running out of cash. Idk why. haha.

anyway,

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY KHAIRUL FAHMI!

another year had passed, after a year of knowing you.

wishing u all the best for your future career & endeavours.

& esp.(PS: dont get too depressed cos of girls(: ) -hope u are not reading this.-

haha.(adv wish for tmr)

and of cos, to classmates who are taking POA tmr,

ALL THE BEST & GOOD LUCK!

hope this lil encouragement to succeed helps though.

can't wait for tmr. Heading to Haji Lane with beloved a. and of cos, SHOPPING! (:

alritos,tc.

studying p.hist&of cos physics for nxt wk.(:

I want to go balik kampong!!!

unrequited

2009-09-16T16:36:00.002+08:00

With hair so dark and flesh so fair,

Eyes refuse to end their stare.

To them, no one could ever compare,

They throw minds towards despair.

This beast no one could ever tame,

But they are not the ones to blame.

For if I'm a spark then they're a flame,

With looks to kill and hair to frame.

Full pink lips they press so slow,

Deep, drugging, pulling me below.

To them I can only bestow,

My love that will forever grow.

These parlous feelings harboured in my heart,

To which you;re the one they shall impart.

The happiness inside, you caused that part,

If you die, you'll tear me apart..

For I will be deprived of love,

You will always rise above.

Giving my heart that final shove,

Your unrequited love will be the death of...

Shopede Shop.

2009-09-15T19:04:00.003+08:00

Headed down to Tamp Mall with daph to service her phone for some pincode thing before heading to the NTUC Fairprice to shop for some baking groceries. It was so crowded that had to push our way through the crowd. Imagine, mom actually ask me to buy 5kg of flour(5kg leh!), 2pkts of m&ms, and 1kg of onions. I guess we will be making M&Ms cookies tmr. haha. Anyways, while paying for all the stuffs at the counter, I felt that someone was watching me. When I looked up, guess who I saw? Someone wearing a purple tudung and looking 'evilly' and a glum looking face looking towards me. I was telling Daph, "eh, faridah there behind. there, there.."

Among all the other people, we met with Ms Faridah, again. Walauwe, among all the other people, Ms Faridah again. Haha. Crap siol. At tampines Mall also need to see her again. Suay sia. haha.

Daph was like blur2 sotong until Ms Faridah approached us, sarcastically say all the nonsensical remarks of us buying groceries all the way in Tamp instead of the NTUC in Whitesands. So, we ended up going shopping together with her, with all the stuffs in our hands(heavy sia, esp. the flour.! haha) She told us that it was a good thing that we met her that day.. blah3, cos she will atleast have 'bodyguard', someone to accompany her with. What crap. and, she even added that its a good thing we met her cos we will never know when we ever meet her in the subsequent years again. oh wow. sadded. haha. She is a great teacher anyway. Belanja us some royal cakes stuffs and drinks from Long John Silver and then accompanied her to shop2 at the Body Shop whichh she said had a discount cos of her birthday that is coming this Sun, 20th Sept!

double the celebration, Hari Raya and Birthday. Wow. After all the shopping, she send us back to WhiteSands cos had to buy the M&Ms that wasnt available at Tamp. Thanks Ms Faridah for the lift and everything. hahaha.

Alritos, Art is tmr. I havent even start a slightest thing for Art. Almost all the art students in the class showed no interest in doing art either. They would either take an MC or simply sleep throughout the 3hrs of Art exam. So how? One day to prepare isnt possible at all. hmms.

Thought of if I were to skipped school tmr, there will be a chance of having more time to study the other subs. Was planning to study with daph though tmr. Had to start touching on the Sciences. I havent even started revising a single thing. Furthermore, Maths paper 2 will be just the same day as Chemistry and the Faridah said since Paper 1 was particularly easy, Paper 2 will definitely be a total opposite. So, not going to be too complacent here. haha. Need to really brush all the techniques.

So far, had 4types of kuihs done. tmr will be 5 with the m&ms.

superb delicious. haha. okay, till here.

kueh tart(pineapple tarts)^^

choc hazelnut(below)

famos amos cookies.^^

another type of cookies frm another recipe(below)

too late.

2009-09-15T07:36:00.003+08:00

"4 more hours and it will be the History Exams."

I had a dream.

In school it seems.

It just feels so real..

I was running. I was searching. I was finding.

Something. Someone. Somebody.

Whilst searching, I met up with that someone.

I don't know how but in the end we went together..

wasn't the people i want to find, but ended up meeting that person.

how ironic could it be.?

You changed, not the person i knew before.

You started to open up, transforming into something new.

After 4 years of knowing, only this year i knew.

The real you.

You talked to me as though you've known me for ages

although I wasn't even your friend. Neither your bestfriend.

nor your long-lost friend. Or even your lover.

its been so comfortable confiding to you.

the best confidant I ever had.

oh dear, if this was true.

How ironic it was, you came into my room

through the window.

when its four storeys high.

You helped me in my work, in my studies

in any ways you could.

There you are sitting on my bed.

Playing with your Iphone, switchin on

random music, breaking the silence in the room.

I thought you knew, I thought i knew.

I wasnt too late.

I went out to get you smtg, leaving you alone.

I was careless, leaving the room door

partially open.

I forgot to tell mom and ask for their consent

My carelessness kills me. And you.

Mom knew I was hiding something.

She heard the music, and someone humming.

She headed towards the door, pushing the door wide open

her mouth wide with disbelief, seeing you in my room.

I was stirring tea for you in the kitchen.

I heard the shrieking voices of mom.

screaming at you and calling my dad.

I wanted to defend you but

I continued on stirring and grabbing snacks

as fast as I could.

I came into the room.

Pretended as though nothing had ever happened.

I saw dad. and sis.

Playing the laptop in my room.

I looked at you. Sitting on the bed, just like before.

You looked reactionless. I walked towards you.

Handed the tea I made for you and you accept

it in return, smiling at me as though

nothing happened.

I went to ur website, and read your posts.

You said you had a dream. The same dream.

You dreamt of a girl and told me

its like a dejavu.

It was so close. I thought you knew.

I read and I ponder who.

My hopes fall when I knew.

I knew I was too late.

to tell you.*sigh*

".. ILOVEYOU."

gdbye(:

history now!

preeet-za.!

2009-09-10T22:41:00.003+08:00

had such a sumptious dinner of homemade pizza(^top^). Supreme delicious, had flour all over me. haha. At first thought of going for night classes but ended up didn't go cos my pizza seem not to bake properly at first. In the end like did too many pizzas so had to give some to the other neighbours. Tried to do the cheesey part of the crust thing just like the pizza but it bloated too big. Ok crap.

Tmr will be another day in school. On a lighter note, i wonder if I should do the art prelim paper that commences next weds. I havent even touch even a bit. Furthermore, most of my classmates planned to just sleep throughout the paper. So how? anyone? should i or shouldn't i?

Today's the 20th day of Ramadhan. exactly 9 more days and next sunday will already be Hari Raya. How fast time flies huh? Since last year was green, this year my family will go for pink! haha.(make faridah jealous) lols. There's just so many things to buy in such a short period of time. Earlier today, walked all the way to the Giant with mom, bro and sis and the exhausting part was when returning home, with me dragging the bag trolley behind me. Somemore, it was scorching hot and I just wished it will just rain. pfft. I miss the rain. We tried to walk at the new overhead bridge but how i wished we would walked back at the normal path where there's junction. It does feel much more faster. Reach home and just head for the bed. Just feel like wanna faint. Itulah, belanja punya banyak sampai nak $200.. Mostly was all the baking stuffs, cos this Saturday will basically be 'Kuih Making Day'. With this, it calls for a reunion in my house.

Everyone from the aunts, the uncles under one roof do the kuihs(this sat will be the making of kuih tart!). and next week by thurs or fri onwards will be the making of ketupats and more kuihs.

alritos. till here.(:

no holidays.

2009-09-09T17:37:00.005+08:00

arent these gorgeous?

its not a normal flower nor a fake one.

its a unique flowers made of..

CLAY.

such exquisite flowers! haha

taken these from flora clay and forever blooms webbies,

was so inlovewithit when aunt bought it for her house deco.

it looks not only real, nor does it look not real.

cool huh.

multiply has been so great.

nice for starting online businesses. haha.

I have been drowning myself in books this past few days and holidays didn't seem to help much either. Holidays this year just doesn't seemed like a holiday where you could get a time-off from all the problems and worries and simply just relax. Coming back to school are eating my holidays up too. Yesterday, went for chemistry tutorial under Ms Soh and got myself being late for school, pfft. how great. Then went studying with daph at ws library. Today, plan to study history with Ms Shaheeda and Daphne, so went to school particularly early at 9.30 but ended up, Ms Shaheeda couldn't turn up cos she had fever. So consultation hours had to be postponed, again. And darn it, it clashes with my Lit on Friday. So, guess what? Two different consultation for humanities subjects this cmg Friday, and had to come real early at 8. Had self-study at the foyer while waiting for the clock to tick by at 1pm where all the other 4e2's came and went through the maths mock prelim paper for the 2nd time. pfft. I just feel like falling asleep. Zzz..

On a lighter note, I was actually thinking whether I should go and break fast with the rest of the 4E2's tmr. I don't find any great deal to go all the way to tamp just to break fast. The thought of terawih, I really unsure. fickle-minded. iknw. go or not to go? haha. feel like taking a leaf and start plucking it bit by bit, ihateiloveyou. haha. k shh.

Daph is really getting on my nerves. She's watching the Aliens in the Attic today.! pfft, unfairness! and for all the other reasons, she called me a 'tree' today cos i wore green. smack that ass spongebobpolar frogoldfish. (she had such a long name since idk when its being created. haha!)

toodles.

stop the clock..

2009-09-05T21:20:00.004+08:00

Was debating with sis in the morning either to make cookies or muffins, but finally ended up making muffins. haha. So did it before going to madrasah. Superb delicious, just can't wait for buka. haha. Stayed up in the wee hours of the morning to do the BV paper. But ended up getting only a few qns done. pfft, but managed to do some qns in mad. but ustz kept calling my name, haiyo.

Anyways, was relieved that I've finally gone through the whole maths mock paper with ms faridah ystd. It seems much much easier than i thought it would be. Another day with her and daph. so wow. Ms Faridah said Daph could have done better, but she said that time she's having doubts in answering the qns and faridah said its rather scary cos of this mental block or what during examinations, will affect the performance for the paper so need to break that barrier of that nervousness by staying calm. hmms, quite true anyway. Brought the paper back, and will do it all over again.

Had soto ayam for buka and some popiahs. Was laughing my ass out watching the dvd on 'Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak', a comedy of some horror show consisting of some senario people. After that watched the clockstoppers too, haiz, see how addictive TV could be.. But how I wished I had a clock that could stop the time.. hmms. Atleast, I will still have plenty of time to study, while others still stuck in between time. how good could that be.. hmms..

random.

2009-09-03T20:06:00.003+08:00

stayed the whole afternoon after Science practical with Ms Faridah and daph, and a spent a lil bit of time clarifying some doubts about malay with cikgu nooraini. Ms Faridah was like marking piles of worksheets, the Maths Mock exam paper that we took yesterday. When marking the 4E1's, she can sing her 'you are my sunshine' song endlessly, every paper was full with ticks and distinctions. When me and daph asked to mark the 4E2, she will be giving this -.- face. wtfish right.. So far for my class, umairah and zul topped the class with 53/80 for the mock test. Daph seems to be 'dwngraded' to 49, which is unbelievable? Highest so far was 69/80 frm 4E1 with 15++achieved distinctions and only 2 failures. so good. haha. me, don nid mention. haiz.

Anyways, Malay was relatively easy and durable for me. Did expository essay. hah.Practical was durable too, chemistry, had my doubts. For Malay paper 2 tmr, really need to score it lest that section will definitely pull my marks down. Malay is my only hope of getting distinction.

car-pooled with daph in ms faridah's car back home. haha. didnt went night study today and the previous nights. was too lethargic to stay back. I guess, she's right. At first only you'll be attending it but after awhile.. its best to study at home.

lethargic.

2009-09-02T21:16:00.003+08:00

English Prelim Paper today was rather durable, after all the techniques I've learnt from night classes with Mrs Wong. I hope i could pass(: I just seem to know why, this was the 1st eng paper that I have the tendency to fall asleep. pfft. How great huh? heavy,drooping eyes. By the time answering Passage B, I started to stone and fall asleep. Summary, I counted back alot of times cos i lost count bcos of sleepy eyes. bleargh. Wasn't in the mood to do essay qn, which i did on the risk thing that led to the serious consequences. kinda dull and boring essay. basically someone being a drop-out, want to support the family. Ended up very hard to find jobs, being too desperate, followed his drop-out friend to sell pirated Dvds.. blah3. so you could guess what happen in the end. haha.

Was so @$#@ cos the whole day from morning till afternoon was exams and more exams. Added with the Maths Mock Test. Before that had a real blow frm daph. Sometimes i wonder, y cant i be as smart as her. haa, jealousy kills, i know. I just feel like crying to know that Im not a single prepared for anything. And through all her guidance, I feel demoralised, she seems to get all the facts super right already and super ready to take the Os whereas me? pfft. Wth. okay, fine. forget abt the top.^^

Tmr will be Malay Paper 1 and Science Practical. 1st shift, how great could that be? Personally, i feel more confident for the Physics Practical to Chemistry. Chemistry too much formulas and change here and there. At least physics is rather straight forward. hah, alritos. had to start revising. bye.

HELP in need!

2009-09-01T15:23:00.004+08:00

I was filing and punching all the worksheets that was piling on my table all over the place. endless sia. Tmr the start of the Prelim exams and i am sooo not prepared yet. I had fears, but I can't seem to start the motors running.

must put a stop on everything. Must break the habit.

stop all the distractions in the house. Adik's shouting, cousin running all over the place, people coming in and out of my room, presence of the laptop is distracting me, the phone, the camera, the bed(makes me wna lie down and sleeppp).. haiyo. Anyone? pls get me out of this facade Im stuck with. I need silence. pfftt.

teacher's day celebration in school. enjoy!

muggin'

2009-08-29T00:06:00.004+08:00

gna miss my old block. Not moving house, but it needs some

'fresh look' -which,idonlike. pfft.

'we are living in a world full of prejudice.'

the world is degenerating into an uglier place. disgusting and dirty

. hypocrites, back-stabbers, liars, attention seeker - just name it.
in this world of billions of in inhabitants, there is never one person who thinks exactly like you,
behaves exactly like you and be in the same predicament as you. so why call this people your
friend when you cant accept them for who they are?

As we reminince the past and looked back at past events, we realized how the past shaped the world we are living today. We seem to be unable to avoid the preju

dice that is lingering in every society, every town, every neighbourhood and every school. Face it or live with it. There were times when we seem to be clueless of what actual

ly happen and sometimes we just preferred to be on our own ways although we knew there will be obstacles we had to face. and through this, I know, there's still room for improvement. There's still more I had to learn..

Apart from that, i'm lucky that there's still people who really appreaciate us for who we are. People who always be there by our side through ups and downs. People who never leaves you in any kinds of situation

we are in.

Currently mugging, thank god art is finally done. officially done to be precise including the supportive studies. haha. how great huh? but this bloody school still wanna add with a prelim art paper. so expect more drawings. pfft. I really need to start revising for all my subs. I want to achieve the As i targeted. oh yeaaaa~

Ive been keeping this for so long

everytime i look at you, i know

icantbe denying this feeling no more

i dont know how long will it takes

cos till now,

im still loving you.

k shh. let this be a secret(:

dum dum dee dum..

2009-08-23T01:12:00.004+08:00

Finally after so long of 'minor' research, I finally managed to find a new skin for my blog. It needs something fresh after for so loong. I guess, this gonna be the last post and I'm soon be god damn mugging and aint able to spare a sec for the comp. Maybe I'll be back after the Os, which is probably around November. Yeaps2. I don't want it to repeat again. I don't want to cry cos of sadness, unable to achieve the targets i wanted, but to cry with happiness. I envy the people who actually screamed for joy when they received the results, why, if they can, why couldn't I? Need to drill it real hard..

Anyways, guess what? My art final artpiece is finally DONE! thank god.! after months of squeezing the acrylics and painting it on my board. The days when I felt really hopeless and just feel like giving up. and thanks to Ms Chua, I've gain that confidence to paint. all the tonings and stuffs which I used to be giving up on with. Now with the supportive studies left. Need to pass it up on Monday. then, had to mount the masks and hands onto the main big board, so need the help of Mr Bong. haha. and then I'm finally done. But it doesnt ends there. There's still the prelims looming ahead next week. bleargh~

On a lighter note, i realise, almost everyone is changing to another blogaddress apart from blogger cos its being ineffective these few days. Hmms. Thank god mine is still okay. bye.

Nitey.

cos u screwed it all..

2009-08-19T21:26:00.003+08:00

If there were any other reasons, I will not take it. The release of the 'O' MT results really kills me, even before the results, I just feel like jumping off the building or faint right at that moment so that i wont see the results. I feel the heat, the pressure, I just didnt want to know the results, I feel like running away but I possibly cant but to face it. As I scan through the list of names pinned onto the noticeboard and spotted my name, I just feel like breaking down. It makes a total difference of a mark or two to distinctions and it really, really bothers and minds me. I just couldnt took the heat, for all I know, this grade wasnt up to my standards. I know, everyone have high hopes on me, since the time I stepped into Loyang, the teachers, friends, and especially my parents. and i know, I've made their dreams shattered into a million of pieces. I really dont know, maybe I havent really pushed myself to the extreme and maybe too complacent in certain things. Maybe the wrong techniques. haiz.

Whats more, I had to take the O's English Oral and being the first to be tested isnt easy for me. I didnt made any preparations, after so much of breakdown after the results made me lose my mood to even take the Oral Exam. But alhamdulillah, somewhat, during

the Oral exam, I felt really calm and confident in the Oral, although I felt really irritated with the examiner who actually kept asking qns even before I am describing the picture and how she actually cant wait to end the whole thing, kept asking me "anything else u want to talk about the picture".. blah3.. and i would say yeah and i continued, dont give a damn care, I want to talk and describe, so dont interrupt. heh. Anyway, today was about some plants being saved from being destroyed and convo's abt helping some elderly and which preferred weather conditions would you prefer in Singapore.

I am so not in the mood. 19th August 2009, a date to rmbr, because you screwed it all. Thanks for 'spoiling' my day. bleaargh~

and thanks dear friends, teachers and especially parents and beloved nenek for your concern and support. Really appreciate it. I promise I won't let all of you down. Insyallah.

in the end, retaking it was the best solution and prove myself to achieved the no. '1' ..

I know I can do it.

This is just the beginning..

Just another dream.

2009-08-16T21:45:00.001+08:00

Ameera's belated 4th birthday celebrated at my house(: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

also, tahlil for my great grandparents. Somewhat, I love birthdays. Makes the family to bond and be united together, with all the lil kiddos under one roof. Haiz, i wish i was a kid again. Lest i wont be the odd one out, being the 1st and eldest granddaughter in my mom's side. HHAHA. the power of love in the family is the most powerful among everything else. I am grateful to have them & i love them all(:

the best of the best LYAE reunion. Cannot tahan especially to reminisce the past and play the base. I was cracking my brain to rmbr all the notes to play the Hayat and Gunung Payung song. How i wished im back in the past. I miss you all. Thanks for all the sweet memories and the reunion and the gifts and cards. Will promise to be back to see you all after i graduate(:

I had this dream. I dont wish to rmbr. I dont wish for it to come back. If only I'm able to control my dreams. Like a saying goes, the more you tried to forget, the harder it is. you are jus another person, just another obsession, just someone who i admired. bleargh. I need a super eraser or programming of just clicking the"DELETE" button of u outta my head. How great. Haiz. So much of those chemistry huh.? n all those feelings i had towards you way before anyone knew it. Cos I knew, it was just another dream. Kill it away for me.pls. (:

last and final wish.

2009-08-14T00:35:00.000+08:00

this could be the last, god knows when I'm coming back. Maybe tmr, the day aft tmr, or even aft the Os. 10 more weeks to the actual O Levels really kills me cos the moment you realise, you are taking the major national exam paper.next week, will be the English Os Oral Exam, worse still, the same day as the release of the GCE 'O' MT results on Wednesday. Im not hoping much but the As, i don't want to repeat, other subjects are literally much more important and needed more priority. and, i dont wish to spent another 50++ fee just to retake the bloody MT exams in Oct,dont wish to increase the expenses of the beloved parents for the exams. Save for the rainy days.For the prelims that is looming real ahead in 2 to 3 wks time, I really hope. I hope. Especially the Os, for all the subjects i take, i could reach for the As.. Insyallah.